Month: June 2017

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Autism and Friendships

Autism and Friendships

Casey was stretched out in the recliner last night and was saying the names of her favorite Sesame Street characters.  Elmo and Cookie Monster topped the list, but she named them all as she giggled about what color each one was.  She really started laughing when I said that Big Bird was purple.  When you have a child with autism, you make jokes however you can!

What caught my attention was that she called Elmo her friend.  She has seen Elmo Live several times and firmly believes they are real people.  She talks to each of her stuffed toys and laughs as she “hears” their answer.  For some reason, I started thinking about friendships and felt sad.  Many times, people with autism tend to have few friends.

Casey has never seemed to care about having friends.  She’s always been “like me or don’t, I don’t care.”  She is who she is and always seems to be happy with herself.  Rob is different.  When he was younger, he wanted everyone to like him.  He wasn’t sure how to make that happen and never seemed to try to form friendships.  He was lucky, though.  There was a group of boys who made sure he was never alone and always had someone to play with.

Those boys stayed with him all the way through school.  He still talks about them.  Now, he has more of Casey’s attitude but he still hates to think anyone is upset with him.  He gets really anxious until he feels they are no longer upset.  I wonder if he misses those boys – or if he thinks they are still at the school, waiting for him.

Every parent wants their children to have friendships.  People that they can play with and do things together.  People with the same interests and that they can laugh with.  When you have a child with autism, it can be so difficult.  We hurt when they aren’t invited to birthday parties or when we can’t have a party for them because it’s not something they would enjoy.

Casey and Rob were lucky.  They had cousins close to their age and Mandy’s friends always included them.  It was only a few weeks ago that Rob named the group of them – Kelsey, Kenzie, Braeden, Ryan, Britanie, Troy and Evan.  He laughed and talked about the pickles that Ryan had gotten him for his birthday one year.  Sidewalk chalk was something Rob loved to do and this group would draw with him as long as he wanted them to.  Whatever Casey wanted to do, they joined in with her as long as she was interested in company.

These kids have grown up, of course, but their friendship meant so much to me, Casey and Rob.  The fact that both kids still talk about them shows how important they were to our family.  They came to birthday parties and played in the pool with them.  Were these “typical” friendships?  Yes – and no.  They reached out to Casey and Rob and were friends to them.  Did they all go do things together?  No, Casey and Rob weren’t able or interested in that.

All of this made me think.  How is friendship defined?  When we think of our friends, we think of people who like the same things we do – people that we want to spend time with – people we can talk to about anything.  If we think of friends like that, Casey and Rob don’t have any.  It makes me so sad to think about that.  They have Mandy and Cory, of course, but still….

But then Casey tells me Elmo is her friend.  And Rob says Bob is his friend.  Tory is someone else they both call “friend.”  A while ago, Rob said Grandpa Mack was his friend.  Tracie, Bud, Amy, Jessica, Adam, Rita, Doug, Scott, Andrew, Tyler, Brandon, Seth – they are all people Casey and Rob say are their friends.  The thing is, only Adam and Tyler are near their age.  Some are staff at the workshop they work at.  Others are a little older than them and they don’t see them away from work.  They haven’t even seen Bud and Amy in years – but still, they are their friends.

They don’t hang out with them.  They don’t have long phone conversations.  But Casey and Rob say they are friends.  They go on outings together.  They go out for breakfast or lunch.  Do they sit and visit for an hour?  No, but they are excited to see each other – isn’t that what real friends do for us?

So maybe it’s my definition of friendship that needs to be changed.  Maybe my vision of the friends I want my kids to have needs adjusted.  I want them to have people in their lives that they can count on.  Someone to have fun with.  Someone to go places with.  After all, how many young adults want to be with mom all the time?

I realized – they have that already.  Rob was excited to tell me he jumped in the pool with Andrew.  Casey giggles when she talks about Adam.  I may not hear a lot of the details, but it’s enough to know they are with friends.  Maybe not the kind of friends I have, but friends none the less.

It’s hard to think your child may be lonely.  For some people with autism, friendships are important and they hurt when they feel as if they don’t have any.  We need to do everything we can to help those people find someone to be their friend.  Their friendship may not be like what we picture a friendship to be, but if your child is happy, isn’t that enough?

If your child wants a friend, invite a child to do an activity with your child that he/she enjoys.  Keep the activity short and see how it goes.  You don’t want your child to become overwhelmed.  Invite the child to ask questions about why your child might do some of the things he/she does.  Talk to your child’s teacher and ask if you can speak to the class when your child isn’t there.  Explain to the kids what autism is and that it is hard for your child to make friends.  Most children want to help others and might be excited to make a new friend.

You may need to redefine your idea of what a friendship is, just like I did.  You may find that your child is perfectly happy to have someone play Legos in the same room without interacting.  Maybe they just want someone to splash around in the pool with.  Watch your child for clues on what they really want.

As for me, I’m going to be thankful for the people my kids consider friends.  I’m going to enjoy every smile and every giggle as they tell me about their adventures in one or two word phrases.  (sometimes, it takes weeks to hear the whole story, but it’s still great to hear!)  I’m going to pray that their friends know how important they are in Casey and Rob’s lives.  And I’m going to pray that they always have people they call friend in their life – even if it is a collection of stuffed toys!

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Autism Parenting Magazine Articles

If you haven’t had a chance to check out Autism Parenting Magazine, you need to.  It is a great resource for parents, teachers and families who are living or working with someone on the autism spectrum.

I have been lucky enough to be published in their magazine twice and now I can share these articles with you.  I am not receiving any compensation for this – just excited to help as many families as I can!

My articles are Autism Times Two: Double the Fun, Twice the Love and 5 Tips to Finding New Love When you Have Children with Autism.  I hope you enjoy both!

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Autism and the Person Inside

Autism and the Person Inside

An autism memory popped up on my Facebook page yesterday of a day that I remember clearly.  When I got up that morning, I discovered that, during the night, Rob had gotten into the refrigerator and all of the cardboard boxes (waffles, pizza, etc) had disappeared.

The liquid soap that usually sat on the bathroom sink was gone – only the empty bottle remained and the lovely smell of coconut filled the room.   I could feel the irritation getting a better hold on me.  Why couldn’t he just sleep?  I was tired and I just needed a break.

When I went into the kitchen, I found the dish soap bottle had also been emptied and there were a few bubbles left in the bottom of the sink.  I was ready to explode and trying desperately not to get angry at Rob or to say anything that would hurt his feelings.  I knew it was all sensory issues and he couldn’t help it, but still, some days, I just didn’t care.

I went about starting my day, grumbling under my breath about autism and writing a list for the store.  I packed lunches and got Casey up (she always needs more time than Rob to get ready!).  When it was time, I went in Rob’s room and watched him sleep for a few minutes.  He looked so peaceful and I wondered again why he couldn’t just sleep through the night and stay out of stuff!

He rolled over with a smile on his face.  I said, “Hey buddy – you need to sleep during the night.”  He jumped out of bed and ran into the bathroom.  At first, I thought he was getting sick and I followed quickly.  But he was standing at the sink and grinning ear to ear as he pointed to it.  I said, “I know – the soap is gone.  I wish you wouldn’t do that.”  He kept smiling and said “clean.”  Me – “I know, Rob, I need to clean it.”  He pointed again and suddenly, I realized – he wasn’t telling me to clean – he was proud  because he had cleaned it for me!

All of the irritation was gone in an instant.  I remembered saying the night before that I needed to clean the two sinks.  So, Rob did it for me.  Maybe not in the way I would have, but he used what was available to him (cleaners are never in sight at our house) and helped his mommy.  All I could do was hug him tight and say, “Thank you, Rob.  You helped me so much!”

His grin was huge and he ran off to get ready for school.  When he went into the kitchen he looked in the sink and laughed again.  He danced off to school, happy that he could help, while I sat at the table and felt like the worse mom in the world.  My little guy was trying to help  me and instead, all I saw was the sensory issues and the autism.  I didn’t think about his need to help me.

I wondered why it seemed that I always jumped to the conclusion that autism was the reason Casey and Rob did anything.  I thought about some of their “quirks” and knew that some could very well be because they are my children and not because of the autism.  We all pass on traits to our children – hair and eye color, height, temperament – why not some “quirks” too?

I’m guilty of not trying some foods because they look funny.  Some smells make me sick and there are certain fabrics that I don’t like.  The main difference is, I don’t have a meltdown when confronted with sensory issues.  I can say, “No thanks” and move on.  Who knows what I would do if I couldn’t verbalize what was bothering me?

So I try not to blame everything on autism.  Rob was helping his very tired mom and I got irritated and blamed autism.  I was wrong.  Maybe some of the things we get so upset about aren’t autism at all.  Maybe it’s just the way they see the world – maybe partially because of the autism, but maybe because we all see the world differently.

We all need to try to remember that autism is just a part of who our kids are.  Sure, it may be a big part, but it’s still just a part, just like what they look like.  It’s hard, but please – look at the person first and the autism second.  Some days, this is nearly impossible, I know, but it’s so important.

Our kids may not be able to communicate very well, but they understand what is going on around them.  Rob knew I was stressed about getting things done, so he decided to help me.  I still feel bad that it never occurred to me that he may be helping.  I just assumed he was looking for sensory input and making more work for me.

There are days when you will just hate autism.  You will hate that your child has to deal with something that most people can’t even begin to understand.  You will be discouraged and you will cry.  But autism should never be what you see first when you look at your child.  See their bright, curious eyes.  See their smile.  See the love they have for you.

 

 

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Autism and New Experiences

Autism and New Experiences

As many of you know, trying new things is not a favorite activity for people with autism.  Whether it’s a new food, new clothes or a new way to drive to school, new experiences are often stressful and can bring on sensory meltdowns – if you can even get your child to try!

When Rob was little, he wasn’t a picky eater.  There were things he didn’t like, but for the most part, he would try anything to eat.  Now, it’s hard to remember when that changed, but I know when he was in elementary school, he decided he would only wear striped t-shirts with no pockets.  It didn’t matter what  brand, but I soon bought all of them at Walmart because he decided to chew the front of every shirt.

Even though I had been living with autism for 10 years by then, it still never occurred to me that chewing on his shirts was a sensory thing.  He squeezed his jaw when he was anxious, so obviously he needed that deep pressure to calm himself.  It was natural for him to look for something to give him what he needed and chewing his shirts gave him that pressure.  It cost me a fortune to keep him in shirts and I finally gave up – he could go to school in chewed shirts.

Casey never chewed her clothes, nor did she care what she wore.  She would eat anything (even some combinations of food that would make the strongest stomach turn) and still does try anything.  However, she is afraid of water and heights.  The scary part is, even when she is scared, she will often still go in the water.  When she is scared, she squeals “Help” in a high pitched voice.

Rob finally pays attention to his fears.  He never had a fear of water.  He went into lakes or jumped off boats with no thought. (I caught him by the life jacket on more than one occasion)  We had a pool and he swam like a fish.  Unfortunately, a few years ago, he jumped into a pool with a friend who is several inches taller.  He couldn’t touch, got scared and water was no longer something he enjoyed.

He still loves watching water flow – he could sit for hours and watch a creek or waterfall.  You can see the anxiety drain out of him as he sits.  He enjoys hot tubs and, again, his anxiety levels drop.  Casey will slowly go into water where she can see the bottom, but no rivers or ponds for her.

Yesterday, we tried something new as a family and I’m so excited to say it was a huge success!  Mandy and Cory bought kayaks last year and Cory’s family has a campsite by the river that they have given us access to (It takes a village to raise a child – thank you so much to extended family!).  I thought Casey would probably go by the water and maybe sit on an inner tube, but I doubted Rob would.

Casey doesn’t care if her clothes get wet, but Rob does.  Your clothes are simply not supposed to get wet and he refuses to wear swimming trunks.  When he goes for aquatic therapy, he has a “special” t-shirt and shorts to wear so I decided that’s what he would wear yesterday.  He wasn’t happy about wearing shorts instead of pants, but he did it!  Score one for mom!

My dad had life jackets for both of them and, again, I doubted Rob would wear one.  I was wrong again.  He had no problem with putting it on and couldn’t wait to get to the kayak.  One of the kayaks is for 2 people and Mandy was going to take each of them.  Rob was careful not to get his shoes wet as he stepped onto the kayak and he wanted a paddle like hers.  He never figured out how to paddle correctly, but he tried.

Casey decided to wade in the river while she waited her turn.  Of course, as soon as she stepped in, she slipped and squealed “help” but she stood up and kept going.  I was so proud of her!  She slowly made her way to the middle of the river (where we were the water is only waist high at the deepest point – we didn’t let her go far and never without her life jacket on)

We brought another kayak and a tube down to the river.  We attached ropes to each and Rob climbed into the boat all by himself.  Casey hopped on the tube and for the next hour or so, Mandy and I held the ropes and let them float away and then pulled them back to us to float away again.  I wish we could have had cameras with us to capture the complete relaxation and small smiles on Rob’s face and the huge grins on Casey’s.  I am surprised that I’m even able to move my arms today but I couldn’t stop.  It was just too amazing to experience something new with them and to know they both enjoyed it!

Living with autism is hard on the whole family.  Too many times, there is something you want to try, but it just isn’t possible with the child with autism.  Then, if you do go, you feel terrible guilt because you didn’t include that child.  Many years ago, I finally realized that Casey and Rob don’t look at it as being left out.  They know how much I love them and would much prefer to stay with Grandma and Grandpa or Tracie instead of being taken somewhere that may cause stress.

Casey is able to go anywhere now.  She has made it through experiences that even a few years ago, she couldn’t have done.  She will go to movies, to shows (we’ve seen Elmo Live 3 times!) and anywhere to eat.  I don’t know why she can, but my guess is that she matured enough to try something and realized different things could be fun.  Now, she wants to go everywhere.

Rob is my homebody.  He is able to tolerate crowds for short periods of time, but is still picky about where he goes.  But – this is finally changing, slowly but surely.  His ability to get into the kayak yesterday without thinking twice is the perfect example of that.  At their day-hab, he is showing interest in activities that are outside those 4 safe walls and is even volunteering at a few places.

Again, I don’t know what changed.  He is still unpredictable about what he’ll try, but while he still hates new clothes, he is willing to wear them for short periods of time.  He will nibble at a new food.  He will go places, but I make sure it is for short periods of time until I know he’ll enjoy it.  Maybe he is maturing, too.

Never give up on trying things with your child.  Temple Grandin, a woman with autism, has said that we shouldn’t let our children stay in their worlds – that we need to help them join ours.  It’s not easy and it’s a slow process.  A turtle’s pace slow and sometimes, it’s one baby step forward and two big steps back.  I know you are discouraged and tired.

I know that taking your child out is scary and it’s exhausting. Bring all the supports you may need – snacks, fidgets, favorite books, iPads – and plan a short visit.  Only you can choose the best place to visit as you know your child better than anyone else.  Try to relax – your anxiety will feed theirs.  When your child starts to get anxious, pack up and go.  Make sure to tell your child how happy you are and how proud of them you feel.  You may not get a reaction, but they are listening – never doubt that.

Enjoy every baby step your child takes.  Cheer for them (and yourself – you deserve it, too!) and don’t worry about the next step.  Just like “typical” kids, your child will make his/her next step when they are ready and you can’t force it.

Never give up!  I completely understand that feeling and there were many time I felt like that, too.  When you do, just breathe.  Don’t think about the next month, the next day or even the next minute.   Just breathe, slowly and deeply.  You will get through it!

As for us, our next adventure will be taking a short kayak/tube trip down the river!   I’m not sure who is more excited – Casey, Rob, Mandy or me!

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Autism and that Helpless Feeling

Autism Anxiety

A few weeks ago, I wrote about Rob’s anxiety level and how even small things can make that level soar.  This week, I decided it was time to sell our van – it’s been ours for 13 years and Rob is having such a hard time with it.

At first, he took the For Sale sign off of it.  I wasn’t sure if he knew what the sign meant or was only protecting Grandpa Mack’s sign (he brought it home for me).  He likes our new car so I had hopes that maybe… just maybe…  he would adjust.  As long as the van was here, he was ok.  I took it to my parent’s house yesterday and last night was rough.

He asked about the van as he stepped off the shuttle.  He asked as he walked in the door.  He asked as he took his pills.  He asked as he ate his snack.  “Get da van?  Get da van?”  I told him it was at Grandpa’s house and that calmed him for about 2 minutes.  I tried to explain I was selling it, but trying to explain that concept without using too many words is nearly impossible.  Rob has a hard time processing words, so the fewer you use, the better.

Rob was ok for a while, then his “weather man” yells started and soon, it was storming.  Casey wasn’t yelling, but she wasn’t in a much happier mood.  She doesn’t care about the van, but she does care about ” funder (thunder!)noisy, hurts ears.”  I gave her a heavy blanket and gave him a pile of magazines and hoped for the best.

He came out of his room every 5-6 minutes and asked for the van.  I tried different words – it’s gone, we have a new car, it’s at grandpa’s house – but he couldn’t let it go.  I felt so helpless that I couldn’t help either of the kids with their stress.  Thankfully, the thunder storm passed quickly, so at least Casey felt better.

Rob seemed a little better at supper.  He didn’t mention getting the van at all, but soon after, he started again.  I don’t want to guess how many times he said “Get da van” during the evening.  I’m sure a few hundred, at least.  I tried distracting him, I tried ignoring him, I tried more magazines.  Nothing worked.

By bedtime, I had little doubt that it was going to be a long night.  He was tired and yawning, but couldn’t let the thought of the van go.  I was exhausted and falling asleep watching TV hoping that he would sleep soon so I could go to bed, too.  He lay in bed and talked and made his noises and every time I reminded him to use a quiet voice because Casey was sleeping, he asked for the van.

I don’t know what time he finally went to sleep, but it was way after midnight, I’m sure.  I simply couldn’t stay awake any longer and he had gotten quieter.  The first thing he said to me this morning?  “Get da van.”  He just can’t handle the change in his life.

Most of the time, changes cause him anxiety, but he gets over it quickly.  People with autism often have a terrible time when their routine changes, especially if it was unexpected.  Some will scream and have meltdowns, as Casey used to do when she had a snow day from school, while others will just become seriously stressed with no idea how to handle it.

As parents, we want to be able to help our kids through everything, whether that’s a change in their routine or a move across the country.  When I can’t help my kids, I feel so helpless. I know he needs something, but, unless I bring the van back, I don’t know what I can do except hope that he lets it go soon.

Last summer, my mom and I took the kids to Virginia for a few days.  Rob literally asked for Hopewell (the sheltered workshop they attend) the entire trip.  He repeatedly asked for “Tomorrow’s Hopewell?”  I hadn’t even thought about his anxiety about that, as I knew he would enjoy the hiking, swimming and the hot tub at the hotel.  Worrying about going to Hopewell never crossed my mind.

I felt so bad for him.  I had assumed that since he was with us, he wouldn’t worry so much about the change in his routine.  I was so wrong – and I was mad at myself for once again letting my son down.  I knew changes could bother both of them, but he’s a momma’s boy and I just thought he would be ok as long as he was with me.

Autism has taught me to expect the unexpected, but I still forget at times.  I knew Rob would have a hard time with the van being gone, but I hoped that he would like the new car so much, he would be ok.  So now I have to find new ways to help him understood this major change in his life.  It’s so easy to forget that the decisions we make every day can adversely effect the ones we love the most.

Some times, I get so tired of trying to think about every single way my choices can mess with my kids’ autism.  Their sensory issues can mess with the simplest things in life – what he will eat and wear, how long she can be in a store.  I know it’s impossible to think about every little detail, but I try – and then I get mad at myself for missing some thing that causes anxiety.

My advice to each of you is simple.  You will never be a perfect parent – to your child with autism or your typical child.  Your kids don’t need perfection.  They only need you and to know that, no matter what, you got their backs.  Let go of the helpless feeling and the “mom/dad” guilt.  It’s not easy, trust me, cause I have to remind myself almost every day, but life is too short.  Just let it go.

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Self – Stim… It’s not just for People with Autism!

Self - Stim and Autism

Many years ago, I attended an Autism Society of America conference in Chicago.  If you have been to many conferences, or any type of long meeting, you know that by the end of the day (or in this case, end of the second day!) you are just putting in time till you can leave.  You are tired of sitting and in my case, new friends were going to take me to Navy Pier as soon as the day was over.

The last speaker of the day was Dr. Jim Ball.  I’ll be honest, even though he was a behavior specialist and I knew I needed the information, my main thought was wondering how long I needed to stay in order to get my full day certificate.  Let me just say this – an hour and a half later, I couldn’t believe his time was up and I had to leave!

When Dr. Ball stepped up on the stage, his first words were something like “Every one in this room has a stimming problem.”  The whole place (about 300 people) looked at each other like “Oh man – this guy isn’t gonna be worth listening to.”  Then Dr Ball asked, “How many of you, right now, are tapping your pencils?  Twirling your hair? (ME!) Swinging your foot? (also me!)  Those are all stimming behaviors – only socially acceptable ones.”

He had my attention and everyone else’s in the room.  I had never thought about what I did to control myself in public or when I’m bored.  When my hair was longer, I twirled it around my fingers as I concentrated.  I swing my foot all the time.  I rock back in forth (though I think this one may be learned from watching Casey!)  I play with my phone.  I twist my fingers together.

Who else taps their shopping cart while they wait in line?  Anyone else fold their legs or feet under them while they sit?  Some people crack their knuckles.  Others tap their toes.  Still others swirl their drinks in their cups.  And I know many of you stare at your phones.

So why in the world is it ok for us “normal” people to self-stim and it isn’t for people with autism?  I know people who chew gum all the time (deep pressure on the jaw!) but if you see someone with autism with a chew toy, it is inappropriate.  The reason is simple – we have learned what it socially acceptable and people with autism have not.  Or they have and they don’t care.

When Casey has to wait for anything, she sways back and forth, gently.  She doesn’t bump into people and isn’t very obvious about it, but she needs that comfort.  People often stare at her so many times, I join in.  Let them look – my daughter and I are having a quiet moment together and I don’t care what they think.

Rob is a little more obvious about his rocking.  He is a lot taller than her so that gets attention, anyway, but he also hums while he rocks.  And his rocking isn’t a smooth back and forth – he jerks around at times.  But again, he isn’t hurting anyone and I can stare right back at anyone who dares to stare at him.

I’ve heard people say that we need to teach people with autism to be more socially acceptable in their stimming.  I want to know why.  Personally, sitting near a woman who is clicking her nails together to stim drives me up the wall, yet, that is acceptable and rocking isn’t.  Who decides what is ok and what isn’t?

As a parent, we want our kids to be accepted by everyone, but the reality is, even if your child was typical, there will be people who do not accept him/her.  I know there are people who, for reasons I don’t even know, I don’t like.  And I’m sure there are people who don’t like me.  So why do we fight so hard for our kiddos to give up a stim that they need?

Your child doesn’t need everyone to like him/her.  They need your love and your acceptance.  There are some stimming behaviors that should be curbed when they are in public, but you can teach them that that behavior is a “home” stim.  No, it isn’t easy, but neither is teaching a child to use a potty and we do it.  Be consistent and be kind.  Your child can learn!

After listening to Dr. Ball that afternoon almost 20 years ago, my thoughts on self-stimming behavior have changed drastically.  I don’t try to stop the kids, but redirect if needed.  Most of the time, I’ve been lucky that their stims have been odd looking, but not inappropriate.

Flapping hands and twirling around seem to be big stims for many people on the spectrum.  It may be hard to watch others look at your child, but your child probably isn’t paying any attention to them anyway.  The stares are hurting you, not them. Stare right back.  Glare if you want.  Remember, people stare at typical kids, too.  It’s just part of being a rude person and you can’t change it.

I heard some parents complaining last week about a child at the table next to theirs.  The little one obviously had a disability (not sure autism, but probably) and was staring at an iPad while waiting for his food.  He wasn’t moving around, he wasn’t making a sound.  This couple was making loud comments about parents who can’t even take their kids out in public without giving the child something to entertain themselves.

Their comments went on to say that they never had to take electronics for their kids – they were taught to sit and wait. And blah blah – you know the drill.  Meanwhile, as they are complaining about this boy and his iPad, they are both staring at their phones.  What the heck is the difference?  Besides the little boy wasn’t bothering anyone and their comments were mean and hurtful to the family?  If you can sit at the table with your phone, then someone else can use an iPad.  Pretty simple to me.

I bet even as you read this, you are stimming.  Think about it.  Are you playing with your hair?  Rubbing your leg?  Tapping your foot?  It is ok to self-stim.  We just need to help our kids find a stim that helps them – and often, they find it themselves.  I never taught Casey or Rob – they just do what they need to do to feel comfortable in an insane world.

Self stimulation can occur for many reasons.  We can do it to “wake” up or to calm our bodies.  It may provide some sort of internal pleasure.  Casey and Rob often use stimming to calm themselves when they are becoming overwhelmed.  The faster Rob rocks, the more overwhelmed he is getting and I know I need to remove him from the situation or provide deep pressure to help calm his body.

You may consider talking to a behavior specialist if your child’s stimming seems to be out of control.  I have listened to Dr. Ball several times and I am still learning from him.  His presentations are never boring!  Your school district can contact a behavior specialist (districts often have behavior specialists contracted for services throughout the school year) if you feel the need.  Your doctor may also be able to recommend one.

In the picture about, Rob is not imitating the boy from Home Alone.  Squeezing his jaws have been a favorite stim of his since he was a toddler.  The tighter he squeezed, the more he needed to calm down.  He wasn’t always upset – sometimes he just got too excited and needed to calm down, like in this picture.  Coloring eggs as always been a favorite activity of his.

Remember, don’t try to stop the stimming without replacing it with something else.  I can almost bet that your child will find another stim – and it may not be something you want to deal with!