Month: January 2022

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Autism and Teaching Life Skills

Autism and Teaching Life Skills

When you have a child with autism, life skills need to be high on the list for what needs to be taught. I’m not saying that typical school subjects aren’t important, but life skills will help your child gain a little independence – even if they always live with you.

I’ll admit – while Casey and Rob do have chores to take care of, I haven’t always pushed them to do more. When I’m tired, I just want things done – not take the time to show them how to do something. I try to remember, tho.

Over the last few days, I’ve been reminded how much Rob loves to help me. And that Casey will usually say “no” as she’s getting up to do whatever I asked. After several months of dealing with a foot injury, I ended up in a hard cast and am supposed to stay off my foot as much as possible.

Luckily, I’m able to put weight on it for a few steps here and there, so I’m not completely helpless and I have a knee scooter to get around the house with. But, doing some things are a little tricky.

So I’ve asked Casey and Rob to help. He filled Blue’s water dish. She got the crock pot for me. He poured drinks for lunch. She folded laundry. They both packed their own lunches yesterday.

Are these huge things? Maybe not, but it shows again how important it is for our kids to understand they are part of the family and need to help when they can. Casey laughed about getting the crock pot and he was so proud he carried a bowl of water without spilling it. So, yes – these things are huge!

When there are so many other things your child with autism needs to learn, I understand that life skills are just a bother. But – imagine how much easier their life will be if they can brush their own teeth – wash their hair – choose their outfits. (I’ll be the first to say Casey sometimes chooses … How do I say this… Loud outfits, but she’s happy and excited, so who cares??)

Having autism is not an excuse to do nothing for yourself. Let your kids learn that – autism is not a free pass. Having said that, obviously, there are better times than others to work on life skills. If your child’s anxiety is high, you’ll make it worse forcing them to perfectly brush their teeth. But, teach them!

People with autism are capable of so many things, but they have to be given the chance to try. Will they succeed the first time? Probably not… But do you? How many things did you have to try over and over before you got it? Why should your child be any different? Again – autism is not an excuse!

Rob likes to help with cooking and to clean mirrors/windows. Are they always streak-free? Nope, but they aren’t always perfect when I do them, either. He likes to flip pancakes. Sometimes they land where he doesn’t want them to. So we try again.

Casey always folds her clothes and has to be reminded to fold others, but she will. She will help with cooking as long as it’s not near the stove – she is very worried about getting burned.

I’m sure in the next few months, they will continue to surprise me with what they can do. And what they are proud to do to help me. Let your children help you before you need the help. Give them the chance to be proud of what they can do. It’s the best of both worlds!

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Autism and the Art of Letting Go

Autism and the Art of Letting Go

When you have a child with autism, fear is never far from your mind. Fear for their safety. Fear they will need something and not be able to communicate that need. Fear they will be teased. Fear they will be lonely. The list goes on and on. But, despite the fears, you have to let them go. You have to let them try new things, go new places, meet new people. Will it always be a good experience? Probably not… but you have to let go.

One of the pages I follow just had a post from a mom who is upset that her son’s teacher wants to transition him to another class. She is actually pretty mad about it. She thinks her son is not ready and is not telling everyone how much he is regressing, despite glowing reports from his therapists and aide. She asked for help in forcing the school to do what she wants.

The thing is, I completely understand her fear. It’s terrifying to let your child be near new people that you don’t know. It’s scary to change a routine that he/she depends on. And really, as autism parents, we learn to live in that routine and we don’t want to change it, either. It’s what we know. But, your child deserves the chance to try. By holding your child in the same place, it may be easier on you, but it also keeps your child from growing. It’s not fair to your child.

I’m sure this mom sees behaviors at home that the school doesn’t see. I’m also sure that her son shows more skills at school than he does at home. Every child does. I’m constantly hearing about things that Casey and Rob will do for others, but when I ask, they look at me like I’m speaking in German. Let’s face it – kids always act worse for parents because they know no matter what, we’ll love them forever. When I was teaching, so many parents would say they had no idea their child could do something because they refused to do it at home. It happens.

But, if your child’s teacher and therapists are seeing amazing progress, it’s time to let go a little. No good teacher will move a child before he/she is ready. Ask for a meeting with the teacher and therapists and listen to their plan. You may not like it, but you can ask questions and share your concerns. Go meet the new teacher. If it’s a new school, tour the entire school and take your child to visit.

The change in routine may not be easy and you need to understand there may be a few rough weeks or months, but ultimately, pushing your child to stretch and learn is what you need to do. You know how you feel when you try something new and really like it? Your child deserves the chance to find what they like, too. They need pushed to keep learning and growing.

Try not to let your child see your fears. Make the change sound like fun and, if you have to, pretend you are excited about it. Do what you need to do to alleviate your anxiety. If the teacher is a good one, he/she will completely understand your anxiety and will do everything they can to help you. Visit the class and see the children who will become your child’s friends. See how the teacher runs the class – you’ll be able to offer her/him ideas on how your child will fit in the best. You can share your child’s strengths and your fears.

With autism, change is rarely easy. Life is unpredictable and it won’t hurt your child to learn that. The good thing with letting go is that you can prepare your child (and yourself!) for changes and grow together. It’s scary. But letting your child try is the best thing you can do for him/her. Remember – always reach for the stars. You won’t get there if you keep your child in one spot forever.

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Autism, Big Steps, Little Steps and a Happy New Year

Autism, Big Steps, Little Steps and Happy New Year

Happy New Year! I realize I’m about a week late wishing that for all of you, but the last several weeks, have been busy and fun and full of family time. While I love sharing our lives with you, sometimes, it just doesn’t seem to happen.

We had so many huge steps forward for both Casey and Rob over the last month. December is a happy month, but for Casey, it also tends to be very stressful as she has a list in her head of what needs to happen for it to be a perfect Christmas and until those things are checked off, she is very serious. This year, though! It was truly amazing! She still had things she wanted to do, but she wasn’t worried about getting everything done. She laughed and enjoyed her way through the month!

She seemed to finally realize that I would make sure everything (well, most everything! 🙂 ) she wanted to do would happen. She didn’t worry about going to light shows. She didn’t repeatedly ask about opening presents – or going to grandma’s for lunch – or Santa coming. Maybe, in some strange way, the pandemic has helped relax her need to control everything. She has finally learned (by way of COVID) that she simply can’t control everything.

We even changed our usual routine of going to my parent’s house for supper on Christmas Day. They came to our house instead and we had supper at their house the day after with my brother and his family. And when she was opening her presents, she was smiling! She giggled at the new Big Bird, she studied the new color by number books, she carefully pulled tags off of new clothes. Usually, she flies through her presents – she has a need to see what she has gotten. This year, she took her time. The pictures of her smiling as she looked at her new things mean so much to me. I truly don’t know when she last smiled in a picture on Christmas morning.

This was also the first year that Rob wrote a letter to Santa! And, on Christmas Eve, he was the one who almost caught Santa. He was asleep and then stumbled from his room. He asked me for Santa and I told him he needed to be asleep. He flopped back on his bed, sound asleep again. I have had my doubts that Rob really believes in Santa, but after that, maybe he does. He was excited to open presents, too, and was thrilled to get an entire set of the power rangers he asked for, plus his signs and Legos. And, plenty of stuff to rip/cut up.

They both went to a movie, again. Rob ate snickerdoodles! They both played Charades with us. Rob is learning (some days with a lot of prompting!) to use a quieter voice when he is sensory seeking. Casey is carefully painting her crafts and not just throwing paint on to say it’s done. Rob was in a store with Mandy and told her “It’s time to eat!” A complete, non-prompted sentence! He is singing songs and chose to wear a brand new shirt! They are both handling changes in their schedules with no reaction.


Last year was a tough year for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, in the midst of sadness, it’s harder to see the little steps forward that our kids make. It’s easier to get swept up in all the negativity and the list of what they aren’t able to do, yet. Notice – I said “yet.” Not today doesn’t mean not ever. Always, always dream for your kids and help them reach for the stars. It’s hard and it’s exhausting, but you will never regret it.

Our wish for all of you is a year full of big and little steps. Celebrate them all! Share them with the world. Your steps forward might be just the encouragement another person needs to keep fighting for their dreams! Have a happy and safe 2022!