So many wonderful Christmas traditions involve large, loud gatherings or crowds at stores. When you have someone with autism, those are definitely not places you want to be (well, you want to be there, but it’s not always possible!). Sensory meltdowns are real and can ruin a day quicker than almost anything.
We never had huge holiday parties. My family is small and everyone understood if Rob or Casey needed to run upstairs to my or my brother’s old bedrooms for some quiet. So telling people we weren’t coming to their party wasn’t an issue when Casey and Rob were little. It’s actually more of a problem now. People just don’t seem to understand that just because they are adults, the autism didn’t go away. They still have the same needs – they are just more capable of handling sensory needs now. But – that took us years of practice, years of finding what they needed, and years of hiding from the world.
We started our own traditions. I absolutely love holidays and birthdays and always want them to be special. I had to figure out how to give each of the kids a special time – within their abilities. It wasn’t always easy, but I think I managed to do it. Now, Casey and Rob are both more willing to try new places (especially if Mandy and Cory are with us!) but we still need to be aware that crowds will get to Rob quickly. And that noises (like fire trucks in a parade) are painful to both of them. She is okay, usually, with temperatures, but he gets hot easily.
A crowded mall to see Santa is not an option for us. Luckily, Casey got to see him in the parade and – this completely amazed her – when we went to a local light show, Santa was sitting in a sleigh at the end. And – he knew her name! He waved and said, “Hi Casey! Hi Rob!” She couldn’t stop smiling and giggled the rest of the evening because he knew her and he said hi! (I’m fairly certain Rob knew why Santa knew her name, but he didn’t ruin it for her!)
Casey is like me and loves all things holiday. (as a side note, I have to mark out all of the holidays that calendars have printed in them because she wants to celebrate them all!) She has been wearing Christmas shirts since the day after Thanksgiving and is dropping hints that she doesn’t have enough of them. Her calendar is full of Christmas things to do – bake cookies, see a movie, several light shows, go shopping. The list in her head is long and she wants it all to happen. Luckily, none of it is impossible and Rob is willing to do most of it, too. (He likes making ornaments, but he’s a one and done kinda guy!)
Look near you for drive thru light displays. There are so many near us that we rotate each year. And – they aren’t expensive – even better! Plus, the drive thru ones let your child feel safe while the rest of you can enjoy the displays. Check local zoos for sensory days. The zoo we went to last week has a huge light display and several days throughout the season are designated as sensory friendly. The music is turned down and all flashing strobe lights are turned off. Most places do something similar.
Many malls offer a sensory friendly Santa visit, too. If your mall doesn’t, ask if you can schedule a time for your child to meet Santa outside of his usual spot where the crowd may be thinner and there will be less noise. Again, most places are happy to accommodate your child’s needs – but you have to ask.
If you are invited to a party and want to take your child, just explain your needs to the hostess/host. Again, most people are happy to help – they just don’t know what you need until you ask for it. And if someone doesn’t want your child there, do you really want to be there? I sure don’t. We are a package deal. 🙂 (not that there aren’t times you need to go places alone to get a breather – I mean, do you want to be around someone who doesn’t accept your child?)
Or better yet – start your own party traditions. You can keep it small or invite the whole town. Rob and Casey never minded how many people were here because their rooms were off limits to guests – they always had their safe place to go to. (Again – your child may be different. I can think of three or four young adults I know that would hate having their home invaded by guests!)
My point is – your Christmas doesn’t have to look like mine or your neighbor’s or the rest of your family to be an absolutely amazing, magical time. People seem to spend too much time comparing their lives to others and feeling bad when they aren’t “keeping up.” But – did you ever think that other people may feel they aren’t keeping up with you? Yes, your life with autism may be a lot different, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t an awesome life. You don’t know what others are thinking – be proud of your family’s uniqueness! Flaunt it. Wake up the world!
Find the Christmas traditions that work for you. Big, little or no party. Shopping online or in stores. Visit holiday events or watch them on TV. Our lives are special and any tradition you decide will be special, too, because it’s completely right for your family. As so many other people are running around like crazy trying to do everything and find the perfect gifts, you will be home quietly watching a Christmas movie in your PJ’s and drinking hot chocolate. Autism doesn’t ruin holidays – it can make them even more special.