As autism parents, we want to give our kids the same magical Christmas that typical families have. It’s a struggle, at times, but who decided what type of Christmas is the best? Just because we do things differently than anyone else doesn’t make our holiday traditions any less special.
I just read an article about one family who gives their son with autism a gift every day for a week or so. He can’t handle the excitement and the over-stimulation of Christmas morning, so they spread out his gifts over time. He can enjoy each gift and not be overwhelmed. They don’t have a big Christmas tree, as it’s not safe for him, but they have a tree in their daughter’s room, so she can enjoy it the whole season.
Unfortunately, I also read some of the comments from people about their arrangement. I can’t understand why people are so negative! We need to support each other and our choices, not tell them how to enjoy their holiday! If that family is happy and it works for them, that’s awesome. I’m betting that the people who made negative comments have a few odd things about their holidays, too! 🙂
We don’t have to go to that extreme here, but we also don’t go to a lot of parties or events. I try to find things the kids would enjoy doing that doesn’t involve crowds (or we go at odd times to miss the people!). Last night, we went to a drive-thru festival of lights about an hour from home. Casey knew we were going and was up early that morning to get ready, even though she knew it had to be dark before we would see lights. She seemed to enjoy it, but I’m not sure Rob liked it as much. He was looking at lights, but he didn’t seem to care much about them.
The nice thing about the drive-thru light shows is we don’t have to worry about other people. We can go early, before the lines of traffic get too bad and be nice and warm in our car as we look at the beautiful displays. I can turn music on that they like and they can have snacks, if they want. The zoo has an awesome light display and we’re thinking about traveling there soon. Both of the them love the zoo, but with Rob fighting yet another ear infection/virus, I’m not sure walking around in the cold is such a good idea.
Casey wants to see Santa. And go shopping for gifts for others. And make cookies. And go to the zoo. And go to another light show. And go to the Christmas dance. And wrap presents. And… and…. and…. Rob wants to go to the dance. Period. 🙂 He does enjoy picking out gifts for others, but he doesn’t get excited about it like Casey does. He’ll go when I say “Let’s go shopping.” He’ll wrap presents whenever we get to it. He’s pretty laid back about the whole thing.
Christmas Eve, we’ll open presents from each other. I started doing this when the kids were younger to help entertain them that day while I was finishing getting ready for Christmas. Then, I wanted them to understand who gave them what gifts. (My kids have to write thank you notes for their presents – old fashioned idea, maybe, but it’s important to show appreciation!) When we did everything on Christmas morning, they couldn’t really appreciate their gifts. So now, Christmas morning is just for Santa.
Casey is already talking about getting “up in da dark” that morning. Last year, Rob got up during the night and ate snacks from his stocking while I slept. He never touched the presents, but couldn’t resist the little can of Pringles in the stocking. Casey rips everything open, yanks tags off of clothes and leaves it all piled on the couch. Then she goes back to bed until she has to get ready to go to her grandma’s house for lunch. Rob is slower at opening gifts and usually goes back to bed, too.
Often, when they get back from lunch, they take another nap before supper at my parent’s house. Casey has such a schedule in her mind that I’m not sure she truly enjoys the day. (Autism and schedules can just stink at times!) She is very serious about each thing we do and you can almost see her checking items off her list until late that evening, when her list is complete, and she can relax.
We don’t rush from place to place for days. A long time ago, I learned it was so much more fun to take a nap on Christmas Day than rush around. We have a very relaxed holiday here. People are welcome to stop by and see us if they would like. I’ll have snacks and cookies for guests. But, really, it’s a quiet day. They have plenty of time to relax between grandmas’ houses and are usually ready for bed right on time that evening. (Of course, we have to stick with our usual evening routine, even on Christmas!)
The hardest part of my holiday is shopping for Rob. Casey will give me a list a mile long – including colors and sizes – but this year was the first time Rob told me something he wanted for Christmas! I was in tears when he said he wanted “Signs” for Christmas! (And yes, he is getting several!) He has never been able to answer “what do you want for Christmas?” before. A huge step forward!! I also buy him things most people wouldn’t really consider gifts – a huge box of crayons he won’t use, several packs of clay to cut up, packs of paper to rip up. (Lots of sensory things to help with his autism anxiety!) These things make him happy, so that’s what he gets.
There are so many things I would love to do around the holidays! I have a list of places that we can visit that I think the kids might enjoy, but I have to stop and consider their needs, especially Rob’s. He needs time to be at home, in his room, ripping magazines and just chilling out. Casey needs that time, too, but she’s more likely to run and run and run and then have a meltdown. Balancing their needs is difficult – especially at this time of the year. Today, she wants to go shopping before they go to grandma and grandpa’s house, but he is having major anxiety issues, so that’s not something I’m willing to attempt. She isn’t pleased with me, but she’ll get over it. I hope without a meltdown.
Our Christmas won’t look like yours, but it’ll be special – just for us. Just like every other family in the world, we do what’s best for us. It may look odd to you, but running yourself ragged trying to do everything looks odd to us. 🙂 I hope each of you finds the perfect balance for your own special family!