Tracie and I took the kids to Richland Carousel Park yesterday. It’s about an hour and half from our house and none of us had ever been there. The day was chilly and rainy and something indoor seemed like a good plan. Casey and Rob both stim on carnival rides, so we were curious about how they would react with one that wasn’t quite as wild as what they usually liked. Autism can give things such a different perspective.
Despite a few twists and turns (we didn’t know they were having a Halloween parade yesterday and a bunch of streets were blocked off!) we got to the park. Casey was thrilled with the gift shop – coloring books to look at! But Rob took one look at the carousel and he was ready to ride.
Tickets are very reasonable and I wanted them to really experience the ride. Tracie and I each rode twice and the kids rode a few more times. Their smiles were amazing and I knew we had found something they both enjoyed. It was a little loud, so by the time they were on their fourth ride, I knew it was time to go.
We went into the gift shop to look around. Rob had little interest in looking and was getting hungry so he was rocking and humming a little. Casey looked quickly, but she was ready to go, too. As we were walking to the door, a lady asked if she could talk to me a minute.
The carousel is having an event for special needs families and she wanted to invite us to it. I told her that was awesome for them to do that and thanked her for the information. Her next questions made me laugh, until I realized she was serious.
“Did I offend you?”
Offend me? I’m sure the look on my face told her what I was thinking before I laughed and said no way. Apparently, a woman had gotten really upset and told her she was offended when she invited that family to the event, so the clerk was a little worried about offending others by asking.
And that brings me to my point of this blog. Seriously, folks, if you have half a brain and pay attention, it’s obvious Casey and Rob are special needs. Maybe you don’t recognize autism, but you can tell they aren’t typical adults. Please – instead of staring – ask your questions. I won’t get offended, I’d rather people were just honest instead of staring and making comments. (By the way, if they are unkind comments and I hear them, you might meet Mama Bear! 😉 )
Please – don’t tell your kids not to stare or pull them away. Let them talk to us. The more you make it seem like it’s a bad thing to have autism, the more they will avoid some pretty awesome people. Let them ask questions. Let them smile and say hi. Let them ask Casey about her Elmo shirt or Rob what song he is singing.
People with autism have a hard enough time fitting in at times. If you avoid people with special needs, your children will learn to avoid them, too. You may be uncomfortable, but that’s okay. I’ve been uncomfortable many times and I’ve survived and made some wonderful friends in the process. Ask me why he is rocking (to calm himself). Ask me why she is holding my elbow and he’s holding my hand (for comfort in crowds. Ask me why he is going into the women’s restroom with me (he doesn’t go in men’s room unless it’s a one stall bathroom and I can wait outside for him!).
Ask me why he leans his forehead to mine (comfort and to show love). Or why she giggles at crying children or angry people (she nervous). Ask me why he is wearing sleeveless shirts in January (sensory issues). Ask me why she is wearing two shirts when it’s 80 degrees outside (cause the calendar tells her to!). Ask me why he is talking too loud (he doesn’t know it!). Ask me why he is singing Long Black Train (anxiety).
Ask why she is 30 and carrying an Elmo around (cause she loves him!). Or why he doesn’t answer your questions himself (he doesn’t talk to strangers). Just ask. We won’t bite you for asking, I promise. We would much rather you talk TO us than ABOUT us. Autism isn’t contagious – but kindness is. Casey and Rob remember who is kind to them – who respects them. And they will never forget.
Maybe there are some parents who aren’t ready for your questions. Maybe they are new to the journey of autism or are having a really bad day. Maybe they haven’t fully accepted their life. Who knows? But just because one person reacts negatively to your questions, please don’t stop asking. We need acceptance and discussions – not your stares. Our families are just like yours. We want to visit places and go out to eat. We want to go to the movies and we want to play miniature golf. Please help us do that.
Your kindness and smiles will encourage us to try again if an outing doesn’t go as well as we hoped. Even if we can’t smile back (if a child is in the middle of a meltdown, smile and ask the parent if you can help – and don’t be offended if they don’t want your help. We deal with this every day – and in the middle of a meltdown, we are only thinking of getting out of wherever we are!), when things settle down, we will remember the sweet person who smiled at us.
So – ask away. I’m always open to questions. You can message me on our Facebook page or contact me on here. I don’t mind discussing personal issues with you, but I won’t do it in a public way – only through email or private messages. 🙂