In a few hours, I’ll be heading to camp to pick up Casey and Rob. I dropped them off Friday after supper and they stay until after lunch on Sunday. They were both so excited about going, but to be honest, I tried not to look forward to it until I dropped them off. I kept expecting one of them to be sick again or Rob not to be able to walk.
But, they did go. Ernie got chosen (after several minutes of trying to decide who to take) and Rob packed enough clothes to last several days. He had to run back in the house and get his cowboy hat. 🙂 (he only wears it to camp, now!)
I came home and got to watch Avengers Infinity War again… Quietly. No bath interuptions. No snack interuptions. No long black train… And then I went to bed. Exciting? To you, maybe not. To me…. It was great!
Yesterday, I spent the day doing fun things for me – and even got to take a long walk with Blue! And a long talk with Tracie (uninterrupted!) and the last Avengers movie. (what can I say? I love Hulk, Thor and the others! 🙂 ) and yeah, I had tears at the end – but you know what?? I got to watch the whole movie!! The whole movie! Imagine!! It was great! (I do watch movies, but rarely without interruptions or starting them later at night when all I really want is to go to bed!)
And now I’m going to get ready to go to church with mom and dad and have lunch with them before I go pick up the kids.
Later…. church was wonderful. Lunch was fun and I got to camp early to see them. I had their suitcases in the car before they got up to the building where we have to sign them out. Rob was walking up to it when he saw me and I got a huge grin – and even a hug!! Usually, he doesn’t do that until we are home, but it was amazing to get a tight squeeze when he saw me. Then Casey did the same – a real hug and such a sweet smile. 🙂 They missed me, too!
Rob was a little anxious this time, but who knows why? He was on repeat about fast food places and their menus and couldn’t go to sleep last night. I wish he could tell me what he was thinking, but he just smiles and looks at me. Maybe someday, I’ll know. For now, I can only guess. And guesses won’t help me keep it from bothering him again – whatever it was. I’m so thankful that camp staff weren’t upset at all – I hope they know how much that means to me. It isn’t easy knowing that he was singing late at night and bothering other people. It’s a worry for me every time he goes.
They are both happily in their routines now. Ipads are on – Lego trees are being built. Her foot is swinging to music as she asks about Mandy’s birthday tomorrow. And I’m happy they are home. I enjoyed the break – I’ll admit that, but I still feel more like me when they are home. I do look forward to the next time (and Casey has already told me they are going to the zoo!) and I think they are, too. They love camp and the friends they have there. Casey was a little surprised to tell me that one friend had a baby (Lauren is a volunteer that hasn’t been there for a while, but she brought her baby with her this time. 🙂 ) and that Logan’s daddy is Donald. (Again, I have no idea why she didn’t realize Emily and Donald were married – or if she even cared. But somehow, she realized that Donald is Logan’s daddy and she just giggles and giggles about that. 🙂 )
I know that not everyone is as lucky as we are to have a camp so close to us. I wish more people had services like this – and that more people who do live close took advantage of it. It was hard for me the first time. Not just leaving them with people who were mostly strangers, but just to admit that I wanted and needed a break was terribly hard. I’m always told how strong I am. I feel like I let people down if I admit I need a break from autism. (I know it’s silly to feel this way – but it happens.)
So – take all breaks you are offered. Enjoy every quiet minute you can get. These quiet minutes recharge your spirit which makes it easier to handle everything life with autism throws at you. Push the guilt away and enjoy being just you. Enjoy the quiet without guilt. Enjoy eating a meal without “help.” And enjoy the smiles and hugs when you see them again. 🙂