What do you see in the picture with this post? It’s a simple snowflake Scentsy warmer, right?
Nope. It’s a picture that symbolizes the hundreds of questions autism brings into my life every single day.
I actually thought something was wrong with this warmer. I just got it a few months ago and hadn’t used it, yet, but there has been a warmer in the bathroom for years. I change the warmer for different holidays or seasons and you never know what scent I’ll be using (but, since I really don’t like anything too strong, the scents are usually baking scents, like sugar cookies).
I put this out after Thanksgiving and noticed that it would be off sometimes. As far as I could tell, it happened when no one was around, so I couldn’t figure out what was going on. Finally, I walked out of the bathroom, Rob walked in, and when I checked right after he went back in his room, the warmer was off.
I started watching and it was him. Rob turns this off every time he sees it on. He can’t tell me why – he just grins and walks away.
But – why?
Why doesn’t he like this one? None of the other ever bothered him. It can’t be the scent because I change it every week or so and it’s never strong. (Though I do know he and Casey both have a different sense of smell than I do!) But it’s also the same scents that I’ve used in all of the other warmers.
Again – why? Why turn this off every time? Why not the others? (And yes, one of them is white like this, so it can’t be that it’s brighter).
Which brings up… why will he only eat a certain brand/shape of pretzel at home, but he’s okay if I pack different pretzels in his lunch? Why can he eat different brands and shapes at Mandy’s and my parents? Why does he only want frozen waffles here but every where else, he wants them in the toaster with butter and syrup?
Why does his cup need to be in a very specific spot by the kitchen sink (kind of in the middle of the counter) when he’s done drinking during the day, but first thing in the morning and after his shower, it has to be somewhere else?
Why does Casey still insist on tapping things as she’s getting ready to go somewhere? Why can’t she bring her coat downstairs to put it on? Why does the thought of eating leftovers make her gag?
Why does she need to walk in front in some stores, while he has to walk in front in others? Why does it matter and who decided the routine? Why won’t he watch the TV in his room, but will watch DVD’s on the one in the living room? Why will she watch home movies in the living room, but not her room? (She does watch other DVDs in there, but not the home movies).
Every day, autism throws more questions at me. I know I will likely never know the reasons for most of what they choose to do. I know a lot of it is sensory based and a lot is just routine, but some of it just seems so odd to me. I would just love to know why. Not that it really matters. They will still be the amazing adults with autism that they have been for years.
I’m just curious. And if I knew why, maybe I could prevent their anxiety and stress, if I knew what not to do. (Trust me – I do know lots of “never do this” stuff, but the little things really make me think.) I want to know why he doesn’t like that warmer at all. Honestly, it’s kind of freaking me out a little, so I’m packing it away as soon as I finish writing this. I have no idea what he senses about it, but he doesn’t want it on and that’s good enough for me.
One thing I do know after living with autism for almost 37 years… The “why” questions will never stop, so I might as well laugh about them!
If you want to learn more about their sensory issues or our adventures with autism, you will enjoy our book, Autism, Apples and Kool-Aid, available here. Our new book about siblings and autism will be available in July.