Autism and the Excitement of Christmas

This time of year can be especially difficult for families with autism.  So many people with autism rely on schedules to function each day and the holiday season with all of the extra activities can throw anyone into a meltdown.  (Even a few “normal” people!  🙂 )   Casey used to have a really hard time each December, but now, she’s just excited about everything.  Rob takes it all in stride – he’s pretty mellow about things, but his anxiety can be higher when he doesn’t get enough downtime.

We started our season a few weeks ago by going to our town’s Christmas parade.  It had been several years since we went to one as the kids are usually at camp that night.  Casey was beyond excited – she was going to see Santa on a fire truck and couldn’t stop giggling about that.  Rob was happy to go because Casey was happy and Mandy and Cory were coming!

He even put a hat and gloves on (mostly because Casey did!) and sat quietly under a blanket while we waited.  He did let out one yell, but when Cory reminded him he was hurting ears, he settled down again.  He was happy to sit and watch all of the lights – until one of the trucks pulling a float blew an air horn!  He jumped a foot and covered his ears as tightly as he could.  It has been years since I’ve seen him affected so strongly by a noise (I’m wondering if the ear problems he has had this year could have contributed to him being more sensitive to sounds) and I felt terrible.

Rob tensed up every time a truck came near us.  Mandy and I took turns covering his ears for him so he could relax.  Unfortunately, the excitement of seeing Santa was dimmed for him by the realization that there was an entire line of fire trucks coming towards him.  He loves fire trucks, but was so scared about the air horns blowing unexpectedly that he couldn’t really enjoy it.

Casey, however, was almost bouncing in her chair!  Santa was coming!  And he waved to her!  She couldn’t take her eyes off of him and the smile on her face was priceless.  She watched until she couldn’t see him anymore and asked if she could go talk to him soon.  (That’s on our list of fun things to do!)  I told her we would go to the mall and see him.

The day after Thanksgiving, we start decorating for the season.  Boxes were everywhere and Casey couldn’t wait to get her tree up.  I told her she needed to put her laundry away first and she did it in record time.  Their trees were up and stockings hung in their rooms.  They both love going to sleep with the tree lights (pretty and calming!).

We have a list of places we want to visit during the month.  Drive-thru light shows are always a great way to spend an evening (Never have to worry about the weather, crowds or anxiety!) and I’ve found a few new ones that we’re hoping to make it to this year.   Several of the zoos in the state do extensive light decorations, too, so that’s another option.  Casey just can’t wait for all of it!  She is constantly bringing me her calendar to ask for specific dates for activities.  It’s hard for her to understand that the weather is a factor and some things can’t be planned too far in advance.

One of the decorations that make our home special is the picture with this post.  Look carefully and see that Baby Jesus is being guarded by a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle.  Rob got this turtle years ago in a McDonald’s Happy Meal and insisted that the turtle watch over the baby.  Every year, he looks for the turtle and places him near the baby in one of our nativity sets.  Rob kneels down and makes sure the turtle is in just the right place and that’s where it sits until I pack away the set for the year.  Rob checks each time he walks through the room to be sure the baby is still being guarded.

We stick with family gatherings and are so lucky that our family understands that Casey is deadly serious during the parties until the checklist in her head is complete.  First, you have to eat, then open presents, the take a family picture, then play games.  And when the games are played, she can smile and laugh because she is happy that everything was done and was just like the year before.  Rob joins in for parts of the party, but he also escapes upstairs to a dark, quiet room when he needs to.

I have a lot of ideas in my head of things I want to do during the Christmas season.  At times, it’s hard to balance what I know Casey would love with what Rob would enjoy.  She went to see The Nutcracker last week (my niece dances in it every year) while Rob stayed with me.  She wants to see Santa, while he probably could care less.  (She firmly believes in Santa – Rob will believe because she does, but I’m not sure he truly does.  He just won’t ruin it for her.  Empathy at it’s finest!)  She wants to make crafts and he might join in for a little while, but it doesn’t really interest him.

She wants to bake cookies.  He doesn’t care for them.  They both like to shop for presents for others – he tends to be more serious in his choices.  She knows who she wants to buy for and will grab anything at times so she can be done and look for things for herself.  They both love to wrap their gifts and watch people open them.

It’s also hard to balance what I want to do with what is best for them.  We can’t do too much in the evenings that may disrupt their night schedule or they may not sleep.  Long days away from home make it hard for Rob to relax when he gets home, so how far we can travel is a big factor in what we do.  You will have to try to balance what you want to do with what is best for your little one.  Even if they enjoy the activity you plan, will they be over-stimulated to the point that anxiety gets too high?  Will they be able to calm down when you get home?  It’s exhausting to try to think about all of the “what-ifs” when you plan something new!

While it may seem easier to just stay home, what if you tried and it went perfectly?  What if everyone has fun and you create memories that you never thought you would have?  You have to give your child a chance to be successful – even as you dread the possible meltdowns or stares from other people.  You will never know until you try!  Take those baby steps and venture out!  I know Casey and Rob are constantly surprising me with what they are able (and want!) to do now!

Start your own traditions for the season.  Your ideas may seem odd to others, but who cares?  They are for your family – your children.  Take drives to look at lights.  Make some gifts.  Bake.  Decorate as you need to.  Buy the comfy clothes your child needs to enjoy a party.   Try to relax and enjoy special events.  Find a babysitter (yeah – not easy, I know!) and leave your little one at home if you truly know they won’t enjoy what you are going to do.  (Let go of that guilt, too!)

I hope your holiday season is full of excitement, fun, love and laughs!