Last week was not a good one for me. Several weeks ago, my beloved chocolate lab was diagnosed with lymphoma. On Monday, I had to say good-bye to Eve. Many think dogs are just pets, but for me, Eve was the one who helped me through some very dark days and was my strength through tough times with autism.
Casey and Rob didn’t say much about Eve being gone. After all, she was in Heaven with Bingo and Molly – why should they be sad? She was happy and pain-free. So I did my best to hide my tears from them and pretend that I was ok, when inside, all I could do was think about her and how many times she had cuddled me when the world was just too hard.
I love Christmas and all that goes with it. It is tradition in our house to start decorating for Christmas the day after Thanksgiving. Since I’ve worked in a school for many years, I usually had a five day break and plenty of time to get started. I had told Casey that we would put her tree up in her room on that day.
Of course, with her never-forget mind, she reminded me about the tree. I was tired and really not in the Christmas spirit at all. I told her she needed to put all of her laundry away before we could put up the tree, thinking she would never actually do it. She ran to her room and came back giggling about her tree. I didn’t believe she had cleaned her room, but it was done and her eyes were twinkling with excitement about having a “big” tree in her room.
So, still feeling no Christmas spirit at all, I told her she had to help carry the tree upstairs. She always says no when I ask her to do something – usually as she is going to do it – but today, as I’m thinking about hitting the chair and curling up with a blanket, she runs to the basement and waits for me to show her which boxes.
It didn’t take long to get the tree set up and she wanted to do everything herself. I sat on her bed and untangled ornaments for her. She sang and danced back and forth as she carefully placed ornaments in just the right spot. Soon, she had me giggling, too, as it was impossible not to laugh at her excitement.
She picked up an ornament she had made in church and talked about Jesus’s birthday and having a cake on Christmas Day. (She always mentioned everyone in Heaven that would be at Jesus’s real birthday party!) She laughed when she said “Eve party hat?” I laughed, too, because Eve never liked things on her head.
In just the few minutes it took her to decorate the tree, she had helped me find my Christmas spirit. I thought about how Eve loved tearing up wrapping paper every Christmas morning. She always had presents, too, but she loved waiting for the big pile of paper to dive into.
I sat and watched Casey as she leaned close to the tree and backed away giggling. I wondered what she saw that made her giggle so much. I knew she was looking at herself in a blue bulb, so maybe she thought she looked like Cookie Monster. And I thought about the myth that people with autism don’t feel emotions.
It’s true that we only put up her tree because it was what we were supposed to do on the day after Thanksgiving, but in that half hour, she reminded me that Christmas is a time to feel blessed. She didn’t have to say many words – she just had to be herself and let her own Christmas spirit shine out.
I feel sorry for the people who don’t really look at our kids – the ones that dismiss them because they have autism. Too many people believe our kids have no emotions, no dreams, no way to communicate and it’s such a loss for them. I know how difficult it is sometimes to see beyond meltdowns or sensory issues, but I bet you can see a sparkle in their eyes when they are teasing you.
So, I’m urging each of you to let your child (no matter how old they are!) to lead you to your Christmas spirit when the holiday season becomes too stressful with shopping, finances, extra social activities and everything else we need to do this time of year. Let them lead you to peace, joy and happiness.
Maybe we should all try to follow their lead. For the most part, our kids want simple lives – and wouldn’t we be happier if we simplified our lives?
What a truly genuine Christmas spirit lifting devotional to read today. Thank you Jen. This is another wonderful ” heart- grabbing”, thought provoking life story for us all.😊
Thank you, Lyn! They have such an amazing way of looking at Christmas and having simple faith. I need to follow their lead more! 🙂
This is wonderful!! I can see Casey’s face and hear her giggling – she’s so danged cute!!
LOL – yes, she is… and she knows it! 🙂
Jen, I read your blog and as always loved reading it. You are certainly blessed with your children. I hate it for you that your puppy passed away, they are always forever puppies to me. I know you loved her like one of your own. I have experienced that pain and it damned near killed me. I wanted to let you know that I have no experience living with autism and don’t envy those who do. It was very difficult raising children without autism and it takes an extra special person to pull off what you did by raising two children with it. You are one of my heros and I want you to know I wish you and your family the very best and Merrier Christmas this year. Love you!
Terry, I think we all have difficulties with children – whether it’s autism or something else. 🙂 My kids bless me every day with their simple faith and love and their attitude for the way we should all live! 🙂 I miss Eve so much, but I know, deep in my heart that she is happier now and has no more pain. I am sure she is waiting for me and that I’ll see her again – someday. I hope you and your family have a beautiful, blessed Merry Christmas, too! Love you!
Excellent story Jen. How can anyone not be happy around Cassie – at least most of the time. Love that girl.
Thank you! She’s a trip, that’s for sure! 🙂