Mandy wasn’t always happy about going back to school, but for the most part, Casey and Rob were. Rob wasn’t happy when he had to go for two years without his sisters, but he loved his teacher and the aides in the classroom, so it wasn’t much of a battle. But – for me, as happy as I was to have some breathing time alone, it was scary, nerve-wracking and intense. Honestly, I worried just as much about Mandy as Casey and Rob.
They had aides and I knew their teachers well. Because of their autism, people were always watching out for them (the fact that Casey run off the school playground more than once made everyone aware that she needed eyes on her at all times – and they just assumed Rob would be the same way!) but Mandy – she was so little and so alone. She knew kids in her class and I was on the PTO so was in her school often, but still…. I worried about her.
So I’m sure you are feeling it – whether you are a teacher, an aide or a parent – back to school nerves. I won’t lie – I’m relieved it’s not me, anymore! We were lucky and only had one teacher that caused major issues and another that was a pain in the butt, but by then, someone like her couldn’t phase me. 🙂 Rob always had amazing teachers and aides. Mandy has said the school district decided they didn’t want to deal with me anymore, so they put him with teachers I knew and liked. I seriously doubt it, but – I was never shy about fighting for the kids, so maybe…. 🙂
Anyway – my best advice for back to school with autism.
- Prepare your child. Only you know the best way to do this for your child. For us, I made paper chains to count down the days until school. Casey understood the calendar, but Rob still can’t be bothered to look at one, so this was a good visual for him. I talked about school all the time and made sure they were with me to pick out supplies – not just to prepare them for school, but so they could get exactly the back pack and lunch box they wanted.
- Prepare the teacher. If your child has had this teacher before, obviously, this is an easy one. You can simply update the teacher with any new quirks your child has developed. If you have never had this teacher, then make a list. Yes, you will have back to school paperwork to fill out, but this is different. Write down what your child is afraid of – loud sounds? the restroom? crowds? storms? Write down what sensory issues your child has – heat/cold? certain foods? Clothing/shoes? Write down what your child does when he/she is beginning to get overwhelmed – rubbing ears? flapping? rocking? humming? Write down what helps your child calm down – a quiet place? A hug? a favorite books? a walk? The more info the teacher has, the better the year will be for all of you!
- Once school has started, get in the habit of texting the teacher if there is anything going on at home that could bother your child at school. Didn’t sleep? Didn’t eat? a sick sibling? Anything! I know so many people that want to keep things private (a divorce, a death) but it will help your child’s teacher and that will help your child. Don’t expect a long text conversation, as the teacher is busy, but let them know. The more information they have, the better the outcome for your child.
- If you have a lot of info, send an email. Don’t call the teacher, unless you have been given a safe time to do this. If your child is in a regular ed class, teachers have 20 – 30 kids (and no aide to help!). A special education class is smaller, but with so many different needs, the teacher is swamped. Only call for an emergency and if possible, leave a message, such as you are on your way to pick up your child. It’s rare, but if the teacher consistently doesn’t answer you, ask why. Always talk to the teacher before you badmouth them to the principal. Be an adult and hope the teacher is, too. There is always time to go above the teacher’s head if you can’t work it out. Be kind, first. Always.
- Take your child to the school. Make sure they know where their classroom is, where the bathroom is and to meet the teacher. Take pictures of everything and make a book to read to your child. Casey’s preschool teachers took pictures of anything she might need at the school and made a book for her. She looked at those books until she got to junior high when they finally fell apart.
- Talk about school. Even if your child isn’t verbal, they are listening. Talk, talk, talk. Tell them happy stories from when you were in school.
- If you have concerns as school goes along, email the teacher with your concerns. Phone calls are nice, but hard to schedule. Give the teacher a day or two to respond, then call and leave a message.
- When there are problems, be nice. Always, always be nice. Until it’s simply time to not be nice. Then be politely un-nice. 🙂 Yep – I know that sounds silly, but – you can be firm and demanding without being a jerk about it. Your child has rights and you need to make sure the school understands you know those rights. (If you aren’t sure, take another parent or a parent advocate to meetings with you. Or ask your county board of developmental disabilities for a service and support coordinator) And understand, there will be times when you can’t be nice. And that’s ok, too. Just be nice as long as you can – then be ready to rip into whoever needs it.
- Say thank you. You have no idea what it means to an exhausted teacher to know they are appreciated and that you do know how hard they work. A short note, a small gift – anything will be deeply appreciated!
You are your child’s strongest ally and advocate. When you feel like giving up (and you will), have a good cry or tantrum, and move on. You can do this, I promise! If I can fight for years for Casey (and Rob, to a lesser degree, – he didn’t have as many serious issues, just lots of milder ones!) you can, too!
Good luck and make this the best school year, ever! 🙂