Halloween is almost here again and Casey has asked several times about trick or treating. The funny thing is she always answer herself with “Trick or treating is for little kids.” I know lots of parents of adults with special needs take their kids trick or treating and I think that’s great. For me, autism and Halloween have never been much fun.
I think there was one year that Rob wanted to wear a costume. He always wore one because his sisters did, but he truly couldn’t have cared less. Trick or treating wasn’t fun for him – again, he did it because Casey and Mandy did, but he didn’t like being in crowds of people, especially when they were in costumes. He didn’t like talking to people – “Trick or treat” or “Thank you.” He didn’t care about the candy.
Casey liked dressing up, but she rarely said what she wanted to be. She wanted the candy that came from trick or treating. She didn’t care if she appeared rude as she grabbed candy. Taking the three kids trick or treating was so stressful for me. If given the option, I would stay home and pass out candy.
In the last few years, Casey has chosen what she wanted to be. One year, she was a mermaid – another a unicorn. This year, she wanted to be Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. This completely shocked me because that movie was never her favorite. Mandy and Rob were obsessed with it – Rob still is.
Mandy and I decided if she wanted to be Dorothy, we would all be Wizard of Oz characters and go to the County Board of DD dance together. Casey and Rob love the dances and I’m so thankful our county holds dances several times a year.
We really weren’t sure Rob would get into the whole costume thing. I talked to him about it and asked who he wanted to be. He wouldn’t answer, so Mandy decided to be the Cowardly Lion and I would be the Scarecrow. Rob loves wearing hats, so we thought we would get a funnel for him and be happy with that.
My dad actually made a neat funnel hat for Rob and he was thrilled with it. He couldn’t stop giggling when he saw it and tried to wear it over his headphones. We talked about the dance for a week or so and I kept telling him he could be the Tin Man. He just laughed.
The night of the dance, I hoped he would wear a gray shirt, but knew the chances weren’t great. I cut out a heart for him and made an axe. When he saw us getting ready, he jumped up and put his shoes on. I asked him to please wear a gray shirt – and he immediately pulled off the red shirt he was wearing. I put his t-shirt on inside out to cover the logo a little – and he left it that way!
He even asked to paint his face! (Mandy had painted a lion face on herself and given Casey a little make up) I never dreamed he would sit long enough, but he let me paint his face and asked for his arms to be gray, too. I told him we’d better not paint his arms and he was ok. He grabbed his axe and put his hat on and was ready to go. (A word of caution – paint and beards do not go well together. I never thought about that. His beard was like a brillo pad and he was not a happy guy as we tried to get the paint out later!)
We posed for pictures and headed to the dance. We got several compliments about our outfits and Casey took off dancing after tossing her basket and Toto at Mandy. Rob climbed to the top of the bleachers in his usual place. Casey danced her figure 8’s around the floor and he watched the flashing spinning lights.
Soon, he got up and actually danced with me! He asked for “The Twist” but he was willing to dance to other music. He has his own style of dancing, but I was so excited to see him willing to try something new! Casey even slowed her dancing ( I use that term loosely – she tends to gallop back and forth and jump up and down) to dance with Mandy. We had so much fun dancing together – and his hat stayed right on his head. He was so proud of it.
I know how hard holidays can be for your little ones with autism. I don’t miss the stress of trick or treating at all. I don’t miss Halloween parties that I didn’t enjoy because Casey and Rob didn’t. I don’t miss struggling to find ways for them to enjoy Halloween, too. But, I have learned that just because something has “always been done this way” means it can’t be done differently.
We make our own traditions – ones that we can all enjoy together. I remember the first year that all three kids carved their own pumpkins and how proud Casey and Rob were. (For the next several years, their pumpkins always looked exactly the same.) Last year was the first time Casey didn’t ask to carve a pumpkin. She hasn’t mentioned it yet this year. I can’t decide whether to be happy to avoid the mess or sad that she is growing up.
There is more awareness of autism now than when my kids were little. Hopefully, you won’t meet as many people who make nasty comments about your child’s lack of communication or the fact they aren’t wearing a “real” costume or are trying to grab too many pieces of candy. If you do meet any, educate them, if possible. Ignore them otherwise. Some people will never be aware of the needs of others. Don’t let them ruin your fun.
Dress your little one in whatever they can handle. If it’s not a “real” costume, who cares? Your goal is to help them have a night of fun – not to worry about the ignorance of others. If your child is non-verbal, print a card that says “Trick or treat” on one side and “Thank you” on the other. You can easily help them flash the words to people.
If your child only wants to go to one house, visit one and go home. No one needs that much candy, anyway, and you’ll hopefully prevent a meltdown from sensory overload. You may have to adjust your expectations to fit your child and that’s ok. You can’t force your child to enjoy something and the possibility of a meltdown just isn’t worth it.
Adapt your plans as you need to. Do what your child needs to do. Ignore the people who have opinions on how they would handle Halloween – they are not experts on your child like you are. I hope that your Halloween is a fun and happy time for you and your family. I’m still so excited that Rob joined in this year and am hoping you have a wonderful time, too!