This is the first year – ever – that Rob hasn’t asked about going to school. He graduated in 2011, but every August, he asked about River View and Mrs. Shrimplin and Mrs. Barb and so many others. At first, I thought he just missed the routine, but then it became more of a “I don’t have to go, right?” question.
He and Casey both still talk about the teachers and aides that they had. They name them off by year (and to be honest, they remember more than I do, as they mention teachers that were at the school that they liked) and Casey will tell me their birthdays – and the birthdays of some of the kids that were in her classes. Rob had a group of buddies in elementary school that watched out for him and helped him when he needed it. He still talks about them and once in a while, will look at a picture book to see those boys.
I recently saw a post – brace yourself – where an autism mom admitted she could not wait for school to start! Can you imagine? Someone admitting that she needed a break from her child, even with the stress of school days? So many parents commented that they dreaded school and would rather be with their child all of the time.
While I do understand that idea (after all, if your child is with you, you don’t have to worry about them – they are safe with someone who loves them!), I am all for getting a break when you can. We had a rough couple of years of school and I was ready to say the heck with it and home school the kids. I was beyond sick of paperwork, of worthless professionals, of day to day crap of trying to explain autism to people who didn’t seem to give a damn. The hardest part was seeing the teachers that we loved and respected having an even harder time. It just wasn’t worth it.
Then I really thought about it. I needed those few hours every day to breathe. I needed to be able to sit down and not be constantly on watch. I was fed up with issues at school, but I knew, deep down, that I couldn’t teach the kids. I mean, I could have taught them, but I would have been even more exhausted than I was. I knew that pulling them out of school (and that includes Mandy!) was always an option to fall back on.
So, let me be a parent that says “YAYYY! It’s time for school!” Did I miss them? Yep. Was I happy when they had days off? Yes. Did we have fun things to do? Yes. But – I was able to plan those fun, crafty, lazy days because I wasn’t sleep-deprived and stressed. If you are excited to watch for the school bus, admit it! Honestly, I think most parents are, but you aren’t supposed to admit it to anyone. Ugh – admit it to me! I won’t tell a soul that you are ready for a morning nap and to eat a quiet lunch.
I know how stressful school is for you when you have a special needs child. Worrying about their safety and whether they are happy is constantly in your mind. But I also know you can handle the stress a little better when you have a break from autism for a few hours. Don’t feel guilty. We all put too much guilt on ourselves (I do this – I feel like I haven’t done nearly enough with the kids this summer – even though we’ve done what they wanted and then some!). Summers just fly by.
Try to reduce some of your stress by meeting your child’s teacher as soon as possible. Bring pictures and tell the teacher your concerns. Or make a list of “quirks” your child has so the teacher is ready. Make sure you share as many good things as negative! Even on the toughest days, there is some tiny little thing to be happy about.
Ask the teacher the best way to communicate. Email? Quick texts? Be sure they understand that you want open communication – that you want to know what’s happening with your child. Some teachers worry about telling negative things, and I understand that, but if you don’t know about behaviors, how can you devise a plan to deal with them? And, the sooner you know, the better.
Be honest with the teacher. If there is a stressful event at home (a death or a divorce, etc), tell the school. More than likely, your child will be affected and they can’t help if they don’t know about the problem. You don’t have to share private details – just the simple fact that something is going on at home.
Be respectful! This goes both ways – teachers need to respect the parents’ wishes as much as parents need to respect teachers. Don’t talk negatively about the teacher/parent when the child may overhear (and remember, many people with autism have amazing hearing!)
If you feel there is a problem, talk to the teacher/parent! Don’t wait until the issue is beyond fixing! If you simply can’t agree with the teacher/parent, it may be time to bring in the principal or someone else who can mediate the problem. Remember that, most of the time, you both want what is best for the child! Work together to find what works.
I hope each of you finds wonderful teachers and new friends for your children as you start this new school year. Enjoy that small break from autism!