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Over the last several weeks, our world seems to be spinning out of control. People are protesting, rioting, arguing about masks, politics… it’s an endless stream of negativity. Honestly, I pay little attention to it – we have enough to handle in our own home with adding the drama of the outside world, too. But – I can’t help thinking that everyone would be happier if they started acting and thinking like a person with autism.

Have you ever seen a person with autism dislike someone because of the clothes they wore or how they looked? Nope. The only time I have ever heard either of my kids mention a black person was at the drive in. We were parked by a van with several teenagers of different races. They were loud and having fun and not bothering us at all. But Casey – oh man Casey…. she started stomping her feet and getting herself worked up, chanting “Black man! Black man!” I was trying to quiet her before she upset the teenagers and not having much luck.

But – I was also kind of proud of her for finally noticing someone different than herself. Until I realized she wasn’t talking about the teenagers. She was getting tired of waiting for the movie “Men in Black” to start. 🙂 (for some reason, she loves the first one of those movies!) Chanting “Black man!” was her way of asking for the movie to start!

They don’t hold it against someone if their clothes aren’t perfect. They don’t care about the car you drive. They don’t care if you have a million dollars or three quarters. If you are kind to them, Casey and Rob will accept you just the way you are – black, red, older, younger, police officer, teacher, aide – makes no difference. Just be kind to them. If you aren’t, they will remember and they will have little to do with you after that. It won’t have anything to do with how you look – it will be you, personally.

How many of us can honestly say that we have never judged someone at first site? Maybe they were dirty or they had ripped clothes. Maybe they drove a fancy car or flashed around a lot of money. Maybe they just “looked” like bad news. We have all done it – you can’t lie. I know I have. And I know that I try to follow Casey and Rob’s lead in accepting people for how they treat me and the kids instead of how they may look. It’s not always easy, but I do it. Because I would hate for people to judge me on how I look running in to a store when I’m in the middle of a project, dressed in old clothes and ran out of something to finish the project. People probably change direction when they see me coming. 🙂

Casey and Rob don’t feel the need to try to impress anyone, either. Casey simply doesn’t care what others think. Rob does, but he won’t try to make someone like him. They don’t need the “right” clothes. They don’t care about expensive vacations. They care about being with Mandy and Cory. They care about spending time with Grandma and Grandpa and Uncle Jeff and Tracie. They care about wading in a creek or watching a waterfall. They care about soft t-shirts and cute socks. They care about doing crafts and listening to music. They care about sparklers and birthdays and Easter eggs. Their presents could be nothing but socks and playing cards and they would both be happy.

They don’t force themselves to eat things they don’t like. They don’t try to change themselves to fit someone else’s image of who they should be. Their self-confidence is inspiring – and has truly helped to build mine, too. I’ve learned to like myself more – to remember that I’m okay just the way I am and I don’t need anyone’s approval of the choices I make. Try it sometime – it’s a very freeing feeling!

I want people to look at the world through a person with autism’s eyes. I want people to see the good in others, the beauty in sparklers, the peacefulness of a waterfall. I want them to see the joy in Elmo, the excitement of a milkshake, the love in a simple hug. I want the world to slow down and see what’s really important.

Will it happen? I doubt it. People are too self-absorbed most of the time. And that’s funny, because most people with autism are completely self-absorbed – the world is simply all about what makes them happy. The difference is – what makes them happy are simple things in life. Family, friends, French fries, walks, frosty’s, swinging on the porch swing, a new coloring book, a new sign, a new pack of cards, a cookie before bed. Simple pleasures in life that so many people miss because they are too worried about stuff that doesn’t matter.

This week, I challenge you to watch your person with autism and try to be like them. Slow down. Move into their world, as much as they will allow. Look at the world through their eyes and let the negativity go. It’s simply not worth it.

I’ve been keeping a secret from Casey and Rob for several days. Tomorrow, they will be going back to Hopewell! It is going to open! Casey can’t stop giggling – and asking questions. Rob just stared at me. He finally said, “Tomorrow’s Hopewell?” and I said yes, they are finally able to open. His eyes started twinkling and he had such a cute smile. He ran to his room, but came right back with a question – “Bob?” He wanted to spend time with Bob and was worried about that.

But I told him he would still see Bob and that he would be going to aquatic therapy. Now, he is getting excited and I can hear him giggling as he lists favorite foods from fast food restaurants. Casey is so happy that she will still get to have a treat with Reagan and buy a coloring book. They are so happy!

I am happy for them, but …. I’ve really had fun with them over the last three months (and I can’t believe it’s been that long!). Yes, we had a few rough days, but we have those anyway. We walked every day. We did crafts. We tried to play new games (and that didn’t work out very well). We had lazy days of doing nothing but hanging around the house. They entered a cupcake decorating contest and posed for pictures for a photography contest. (By the way – I wish everyone had a county board of DD like ours! They have been amazing during this whole crazy time!)

They learned some new exercises – she prefers the bike, while he likes to box. We found a bald eagle’s nest and saw the baby. We spent a lot of time on the patio in the swing. And we discovered that Casey gets tired of her little brother following her around. We saw his sense of humor come out as he held things above his head so she couldn’t reach it. We hear long black train 50,000 times – some days louder than others.

We learned that it is possible to get through a day without power. (A bad wind storm took out our power for 24 hours). It used to be that as soon as the power went off, Rob started saying “lights on” and didn’t stop until it came back on and she screamed because her iPad didn’t work. (they both have apps to use, but she likes to watch videos). And no one would sleep. She actually went to sleep in the recliner. He didn’t sleep until 5 that morning, but he didn’t constantly ask for the lights. He laid more or less quietly. A miracle for both of them!

He learned that icing on cupcakes isn’t so bad. He even put the icing on them and decorated his 12 cupcakes all by himself. I was in tears – he refuses to let gooey things touch his fingers. And then to watch him eat it! (The look on his face when he took the first bite was priceless – I thought he was going to gag, but he watched Casey eat hers and followed her lead. 🙂 )

When I first heard that everything was going to close for “a few weeks,” I knew it was going to be a hard time for us. Changes in routine are not good – and some of those changes were big ones to Casey – her birthday, track and field day, grandpa’s birthday. But she handled the cancellations like it was no big deal. And, while Rob did ask for Hopewell a few times, he didn’t seem upset about not going.

But then we had to cancel Hopewell for all of April…. and then May… and the talent show and prom. My birthday, Easter, a trip to the zoo with camp, then summer camp. And she kept accepting the changes like it was not a big deal. He only asked for Hopewell a few times and then never mentioned it again. They got used to seeing grandma and grandpa from the car. And then we cancelled Hopewell for June. (it was easier for her to see the whole month canceled since I had no idea when or if they would even open this summer)

And she still was okay with it. As long as she had something to do each day, she was happy. She painted t-shirts and picture frames. He painted wooden models.

The way they have changed in the last year continually surprise me. I know many of you weren’t able to enjoy the time together like we were. While I do work from home, I had time to do it in the mornings and while they were busy with their own interests. I didn’t have to homeschool and didn’t lose my job. I was able to really be with them as we haven’t been able to in a very long time. During “normal” times, we did do lots of things, but evenings were not together – they needed down time from being gone all day and I was tired after being at school all day. Truly, to use, the last three months have been amazing and much needed together time.

I don’t write this to brag. I write this to remind all of you to keep dreaming for your child. No matter how exhausting and frustrating life is, you can’t know what the future holds. No one that knew Casey as a child would have imagined the young woman she is today. She screamed at the slightest change in her routine. She screamed for hours and beat her head on anything around her. She ran from people – she had no sense of danger.

Rob’s anxiety at changes in his life was debilitating to him. He couldn’t sleep and he ran away. He refused to eat most foods and was terrified to try anything new. While new things are still not his favorite, he is willing to try. And both of them are communicating more with what they need or want. (Anxiety breaks this down quite a bit, so we still have issues often with them not being able to tell me what’s wrong).

Hopewell will look a lot different to them, as they have had to do many things to follow the state’s guidelines. I am a little concerned about tomorrow, but their excitement about going back and still being able to go with Bob and Reagan is contagious. I am happy for them – and also a little sad. I’m excited to be able to have lunch with Tracie tomorrow and to be able to run errands with a little more time to get things done, but I will miss them. I never in my wildest dreams thought this stay at home thing would be as much fun for us as it was, but I thank God for it.

I thank God for the little moments that so often get missed in our usual busy day to day lives – listening to Rob read a book to me or sitting on the swing with Casey. Our long walks. His tight bear hugs and her giggles. I see these things often, but I don’t always appreciate them. That’s my new goal – to really appreciate those little things, even when life gets too crazy again.

Even a few years ago, this would not have been our stay at home time. Please – never stop dreaming and planning for your child’s future. There will always be bright spots and small steps forward. I’ve been told that I don’t write about “real” autism – that my kids are more high functioning than many. They are doing amazing, but we worked hard to get to this point. We have had a lot of tears – a lot of sleepless nights – a lot of frustrating times to get here. Never give up!

Our Easter doesn’t look like anyone else’s and that’s okay. We celebrate Jesus and autism, with a touch of the bunny tossed in. 🙂

The eggs for colored last night. Rob took it so seriously and made sure he used every color of dye the same number of times. He checks his eggs and if they are the color he wants,back in the dye they go.

Casey tosses her eggs in whatever cup of dye is empty and pulls them out quickly. She only cares about the tradition of coloring eggs. 🙂

The Easter Bunny did visit, but their baskets weren’t full of candy. She got new slippers, he got a new metal sign. Their baskets had a little candy, but also sensory toys, coloring books and clay.

Rob was up first and, while he did peek into the dining room, he went back to bed because Casey wasn’t up, yet. As soon as he heard her come down,the stairs, he ran to grab his basket.

Casey looked for eggs the bunny hid, while Rob watched. He has never seen the point of looking for eggs and thats okay. 🙂

It’s been a quiet, calm day. We’ll be heading to my parents’ soon for supper and fun. I hope each of you can have a perfect Easter for your family – whatever that looks like. Hugs and Happy Easter!

The last week was a month long. I have no idea why and it doesn’t really have much to do with autism – it just seemed like a forever week. For those who follow our Facebook page, you will already know about the “HUH?” moment I’m going to share, with a few more details. Our bright spots surrounded a night away with the kids and how awesome they did in a strange place.

When Rob gets dropped off after his day hab, he has a routine and nothing will deter him from following that routine. He drops his lunch box on the table, grabs his snack and pills and goes to his room to hang up his coat and put his shoes on the shelf. He chills out in his recliner a few minutes, then off to the bathroom and to find his iPad.

Friday, I got a message that they were home. A few minutes later, I got a text that Rob wouldn’t come in the house – that he had dropped his lunch box on the table and immediately ran out again. He was sitting on the front porch, holding his Power Rangers bag and wouldn’t tell Steve what was wrong. Steve told me he didn’t seem upset, but that he refused to come in. Luckily, Mandy was home from work and she only lives about 10 minutes from us so she took off to see what was up. (He will often talk to her when he won’t talk to anyone else.)

He was surprised to see her, but still wouldn’t share why he wouldn’t go in the house. She called Hopewell to see if something had happened that day (Casey told Mandy that Rob hit his head, he was crying – a whole list of things and Mandy didn’t know that Casey had been gone all day – she didn’t have a clue what he might have done! 🙂 ) and was told that it had been a normal day for him – nothing unusual had happened.

She asked if he wanted to talk to me and helped him call me. His conversation was brief “Hi Mommy.” “Hi Buddy, what’s wrong?” “Wrong.” and he handed Mandy the phone. I was actually able to leave the preschool early and was in the parking lot when he called. She said he wasn’t upset, but wouldn’t tell her anything. The thoughts going through my mind were crazy, but I couldn’t help it.

When I turned onto our street, he stood up and walked to the driveway. I stopped beside him, he jerked open the back door, opened his bag, threw an old towel in the backseat and went in the house. Mandy and I just looked at each other – each trying to process what the heck had just happened. Finally, she broke down laughing and I did, too. By the time I had parked, he was happily in his recliner, like nothing had happened.

We still have no clue what that was all about. I do keep an old towel in the car for Blue, but there was one on the seat. Now, there are two. When Rob got in the car yesterday, he tapped the towels and grinned. Trust me – I’m not moving those towels!

I had made reservations for us at a local hotel so the kids could swim and soak in the hot tub for a treat. I didn’t tell them we were going until just a few hours before we were to leave -just in case! They were so excited when they heard what we were doing – Rob couldn’t stop saying “swim, swim, swim.” and “Mandy, Cory, Mandy, Cory.” We got to the hotel and as I was getting our room, the lady said the pool was closed. I thought she had to be kidding! But, no, it was broken.

I couldn’t even imagine how telling the kids was going to go. They were both sitting with huge grins on their faces, just waiting to get in the water. A few years ago, I would have had to drag Casey out, probably kicking and screaming. I walked over and told them the pool was broke and we had to find another one. They both just looked at me, but when I said we needed to go back to the car, they did with no issues. A proud mom moment!!

We found another hotel and they took off for the pool. Casey slowly went down the steps while Rob took a running leap into the middle of the pool. She stayed where she could safely touch while he was jumping and spinning and splashing. And it was another bright spot. Rob always tends to follow what she does, but not this weekend. He wanted to jump and sit on the bottom of the pool so he ignored her and did what he wanted. That was another huge moment for him!

They played for an hour or so, then had supper and rested a little, before heading back to the pool. He played for almost two hours while she kept reminding Mandy that she said they could get ice cream. Instead of following his sisters to get a treat, Rob chose the pool. Even when they came back with a Coke for him, he drank it and jumped back in the water.

He was so happy! It was wonderful watching him smile and jump and to hear his deep belly giggle as he fell into the water over and over again. I finally told him the pool was closing and it was time to go back to the room. He took a shower and went to bed. He had a hard time going to sleep, but he was quiet. He is so used to a nightlight and a fan, that I think the total darkness and complete quiet made it hard for him. Finally, about 2 this morning, I turned the TV back on. He watched a few minutes, rolled over and went to sleep.

He jumped back in the pool this morning for an hour while Casey and I sat and watched him. Even when I said we needed to head home, he jumped a few more times before he came to get dressed. Now, he is sound asleep in his room. Hours and hours in the pool wore him out!

Mandy and I asked him questions while he was in the water and were surprised at how many things he could easily answer – his birthday, how to spell the city we live in, so many things. It was wonderful! Casey used to be able to do that when we still had our pool – she could answer questions while playing in the water that she couldn’t answer any other time. If you ever get a chance, try this with your child!

Sometimes, bright spots in an autism home aren’t like they are anywhere else and that’s okay! Every family has it’s own special moments in time – celebrate every one of them! Enjoy the special talents your child has. And, even though it’s scary – plans things as a family! You never know until you try what your child might enjoy. And those special family times are so amazing! I’m tired now, but can’t stop smiling at having the chance to spend that much time with Casey, Mandy, Cory and Rob.