I try not to rely on the internet and the kids being entertained by their iPads. Most nights, the internet could be gone and no one would be the wiser. Rob has many apps on his iPad that he uses often, so when he can’t search for Chevy truck parts or whatever has caught his fancy for the day, he’ll just draw or play another app.
Casey, on the other hand, loves You Tube. And watching music videos. And when she decides that is what she wants to do, there is little I can do to change her mind. So, when the internet went out a few evenings ago, I was tense and stressed. She was not pleased.
It was snowing and even though Rob had assured me we were only getting a little bit, he was worried about going to work the next day. (One day they had to close, we had little snow, but ice) So he began to get anxious and he paced from his room to the dining room to look out that window. (Yes, his room has windows – and one even faces the same direction, but apparently, when you are checking the weather situation, you can only look out the dining room window that is closest to the kitchen!)
I showed Casey her Elmo apps and crossed my fingers. She played with them a few minutes and then hit her iPad. “Fix it, mommy!” “I can’t, Casey – the internet is broke.” “Music, mommy!” I handed her my phone, but she refused to look at it. “Why don’t you fold socks, Casey?” “NO!” “How about a color by number?” “NO!” She flopped back on the couch and made her mad face.
I gave up trying to write and focused on keeping her calm. Finally, I thought about my photo boxes. She has her own set, but looking at my photos is always an exciting event. Thankfully, she go absorbed in the pictures and the evening passed without much drama. Rob couldn’t go to sleep, but he wasn’t too loud, so she went to bed as usual.
What really bothered me was the reaction I got from someone else about the evening. This person isn’t an autism expert by any means, but when I was talking about how worried I was that she was going to have a royal meltdown, the response I got was I needed to tell her I couldn’t fix it and make her understand she can’t always get what she wants.
Really? Ya think? (and I’m editing my true thoughts here!) That’s not something I had ever considered doing – thanks so much for the advice.
And, yes, I know I should be more patient with people, but when I’m tired, I just don’t need advice like that. I know it was meant to be a helpful solution. I know not everyone understands autism. I know autism is confusing to those of us who live with it every day. But – I seriously did not care at that point.
Casey and Rob have made amazing strides in their abilities. They have grown and changed so much, but there are simply things that cannot be explained easily. I remember once the power went out and Rob was insistent that I turn the lights one. “Lights on!” became his phrase of the night. Over and over and over until I thought I would lose my mind.
My brother decided to bring a generator to us so Rob would calm down. He was on his way when Rob got frustrated and hit the light switch in the kitchen – and the lights came on. Of all the rotten timing! The look he gave me was priceless – he was sure I had been lying to him all evening. (trust me – by the time I heard “lights on!” for the 100th time, I would have fixed the electricity myself!) So now, when the power goes out, Rob flips the kitchen light switch as soon as it goes out.
My point is – there are simply some things I can’t make the kids understand. I have tried – many times. I’m not being a lazy mom. I know I shouldn’t have gotten irritated by the comment and maybe I wouldn’t have at another time, but I was stressed. Sometimes, I just have to go with the flow and ignore people. But – sometimes, I really just want to smack people. (insert evil giggle here!)
So – lessons I learned from the other night. Behavior modification (otherwise known as bribery) is perfectly acceptable to keep a meltdown away. Some people will never “get” it. Smacking people is never acceptable. I don’t have to care what anyone else thinks.
Here’s to an endless supply of data and super fast streaming for each of you!