Repeat after me… “I have to take care of me so I can take care of my child.” How many times have I said that to you? How many times have I admitted that I’m not very good at it? My head knows, but sometimes, I still feel guilt when I just sit.
I realized last night I was running on empty when I was getting anxious because I hadn’t finished a project. The crazy thing is – this project is a hobby! Something I enjoy doing. I was getting anxious because I hadn’t had time to finish scrapbooking several pictures.
Somehow, I let a hobby I enjoy become something that had to be done. I tend to do this when I haven’t taken the time to do something for me. Usually, walking and working out help keep the anxiety away but with the foot injury, it’s been months since I’ve been able to do either.
Another reason I noticed that I hadn’t done much for myself was a blog I read by a young man with autism. If you haven’t read Dustin’s Dynasty, you are missing out! His perspective as an adult with autism is helping me learn how Casey and Rob might feel about different things. He is learning how important it is for him to take care of himself and said he struggled with doing nothing.
Wow – that hit me right between the eyes. I am rarely doing nothing. I have my computer on my lap or I’m crocheting or I’m working on another project or I’m reading. I don’t sit and watch TV without doing something else, too. This works for me – until it doesn’t.
When I realized my hobbies were causing me stress, I knew I had to change things. Last night, I sat on my patio and watched the birds. I listened to the wind chimes. I daydreamed about pool days. Once or twice, guilt tried to sneak in – I should be sweeping the patio or powerwashing the house. I shoved those thoughts away and went back to watching the birds.
I’ve heard so many other parents say they have given up hobbies – they spend all of their time taking care of their child, their home and working. They can’t sleep at night, they are gaining weight, they have forgotten how to watch the clouds. I completely understand this, but… It’s not a good life for you or your child.
We already worry about who will care for our kids when we are gone. Taking care of yourself now will help you avoid preventable health issues – heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes – that can all be prevented or controlled by you taking care of yourself.
A break from autism is wonderful and needed at times. But, there are many ways you can care for yourself with your child. Go for walks (put your child in a wagon or stroller). Play on a playground. Share your favorite hobbies – let your child paint, take pictures, play an instrument. Craft with your child.
Practice healthy recipes together. Go on a picnic. Go bowling. Play miniature golf. The ideas are endless. And yes, you may have to adapt your outings to fit your child’s needs. But, right now, your needs are more important. You have got to take care of you!
I’ll be the first to admit – I’m struggling with guilt right now. The floor needs swept. A few windows need cleaned. I need to meal plan. I have two stories the need written for the paper. But – I’m going to watch a favorite movie and maybe take a nap.
There are days when I have no energy or desire to do anything. I need to remember that it’s ok to do nothing. To sit and recharge myself without guilt. No energy is my body’s way of reminding me I’ve pulled myself too thin again and I need to chill out and do nothing.
Push away the guilt. Let yourself recharge before you crash. If you crash, so will your child. Take care of yourself for them if you can’t relax for yourself. I challenge you – every day for the next week, do one thing for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a big thing – just something for you. Watch TV. Read a book. Watch the clouds. Go for a walk. Savor a milkshake. Anything – just for you!