Tag: autism awareness

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Autism and Your Child’s Safety

Autism and your Child's Safety

I’m sure every one of you has safety precautions in place.  Your doors stay locked for the wandering kids.  Your windows are permanently closed to prevent falls.  Your cupboards are latched, toilets are closed, cleaners locked away.  Your home is as safe as autism will let it be.  But have you thought about your child’s safety in the event of a car accident?  As you travel?  What about a house fire or natural disaster?

Where I live, tornadoes are possible but rare.  I had always wondered if the weather turned terrible at night if I could get both kids to wake up enough to get to the basement with me – and would they stay there?  A few years ago, our summer was one threat of tornado after another and terrible thunderstorms.  The first time the tornado warning sounded, I jumped up and ran to Casey’s room.  She is a deep sleeper – one that rarely moves during the night and the one I was most worried about waking up.

She was sound asleep, but when I ran in and started shaking her, she woke right up and got out of bed.  Mandy was on her way from her room as I walked out of Casey’s and she took Casey and the dogs to the basement as I went to get Rob.  He woke easily, grabbed his blankets and went to the basement with me.   The kids crashed on a mattress as I watched the TV and cried with relief that I would be able to get everyone safe during a weather emergency.

Every time I had to wake them up that summer, they jumped right up.  You need to consider what you will do if your child won’t move fast enough and you can’t carry them.  Make more than one plan in case the first one doesn’t work like you think it will.  Consider purchasing camping lanterns for light as lit candles are too dangerous for our kids.  Make sure you have water and snacks in your safe area.  Think about packing a backpack with medicines and fidgets to help calm your child while you wait for the storm to pass.

In my case, my first plan was to try to wake Casey first, then go to Rob.  If she struggled to wake up, I was going to take him to the basement and turn a power rangers movie on – I knew he wouldn’t leave the movie to come looking for me.  If neither would wake up, I was going to toss water on them.  Yes, I know that sounds mean, but I knew it would wake both of them up enough for me to get them moving.

Being in a car accident is one of my biggest fears.  If I am unable to help them, I don’t think either will try to leave the car.  I desperately hope I am wrong, but I just don’t think they will.  I have stickers on my windshield stating that there are occupants with autism who may not respond as expected.  I have information in the glove box for each of them – contact info, name, address, their diagnosis and what they might possibly do.

My list includes the fact that Rob may run away and that neither understand danger and may wander into traffic.  It says that both have moderate autism and that communication is difficult.  Casey may be jumping and screaming, while Rob may be pacing and yelling.  I want every first responder to know what they may be doing and to not try to touch them.  The kids need to be given space to calm down and for people to use statements such as “Tell me your name” instead of saying “What is your name?”  My lists explain that questions are confusing and that they need time to process the words.

Rob is a big guy.  I don’t want anyone to think he is being aggressive when he is simply overwhelmed, scared and trying to calm down.  Casey’s screaming and jumping is scary to see and if someone tries to touch her, it will only get worse.  First responders need this information.  I’m sure their adrenaline levels are sky high when they respond to emergencies and they need to make split second decisions for their safety and that of my kids.  The more information available to them, the safer we will all be.

As for home safety, Casey and Rob both know they are to leave the house if they hear the smoke detectors.  They are never alone, but I have drilled this into their minds.  They are to leave and go sit in the garage (our garage is unattached) and wait for someone to come.  Will they do it?  I doubt it.  The smoke detectors have gone off and they have no response to them at all.  Again, I have made my plans for leaving the burning house.

In the middle of the night, I will get Rob first, as his room is right beside mine.  Once he is on his way to the garage, I’ll get Casey.  We can get out one of her windows without much of a drop, if needed.  Of course, as soon as I see the danger, I’ll be screaming both kids’ names and hoping they come to me and we can all leave together.  Maybe I overthink things, but I want a plan in place, just in case.

It’s just like learning CPR.  You pray you will never have to use it, but if you do, you want your movements to be instant and not have to stop and think about anything.  Plan ahead – think about all of the ways your children might react (like that’s even possible to do with our kids!) from hiding to running to having a meltdown.  You have to consider how you might move a person that is bigger than you and get them to safety.  Keep a treat they won’t refuse where you can get to it easily and bribe them if necessary (though I like to call this positive reinforcement instead of bribery!).

Contact your local emergency services and see if you can have your phone number highlighted with additional information.  This means that when 911 is dialed from your home, the fact that you have a person with special needs will automatically pop up on the operator’s screen.  Add as much information as possible, such as how your child may be react or how they communicate.  I did this a few years ago with our local 911 system.

A friend of mine at our local board of DD is working on a project for first responders and emergencies with people with special needs.  This could be a great suggestion for your local boards – or something you could work on.  First responders need training in helping our families and this doesn’t always happen, especially in rural areas.

My thoughts and prayers are with the families affected by Harvey, in the path of Irma and near the terrible wildfires out west.  These are terrible situations, but when you have a person with autism, it can be so much harder.  Please say a prayer for them, too.

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Autism and Celebrating Another Birthday

Autism and Birthdays

It’s hard for me to believe that tomorrow, my “baby” will be 25!   Unlike Casey, Rob doesn’t seem to care about his birthday.  When asked what he wants, his answer is always “presents.”  Trying to ask for specific things, all the while trying to use a statement (tell me what you want) instead of a question is difficult for both of us.  But, that doesn’t matter because it will his day and I’ll do everything I can to make sure he knows how special he is.

When I think back to when the kids were little, it’s amazing to me just how different they were.  It seems I should have seen the autism in Rob earlier.  I was concerned and even talked to Casey’s neurologist and our family doctor about him.  They both agreed with his history, I needed to wait before I panicked.

For the first three years of his life, Rob managed to end up in the ER every six months or so.  As soon as I would get a bill paid off, he would end up there again.  He tumbled as a toddler and split his forehead open – stitches.  He had pneumonia. He fell down the basement steps and got to ride on a helicopter to a children’s hospital (he wouldn’t wake up).  He had a seizure after getting a set of vaccinations.  He jumped down the steps and broke his collar bone.  Need I go on?   I often said that had he been first, there wouldn’t have been another.

So, when he didn’t talk much, no one was very concerned.  He didn’t have routines that he needed to follow.  He didn’t have sensory issues when he was a toddler.  However, since he was language delayed, our school district put him in their preschool when he was 3.  It was the same one both girls had gone to and he was so proud to be there.  He played beside other kids, but rarely played with them.

But, he followed Mandy everywhere at home.  She would tell me what he wanted, so he never needed to use his voice.  She was the ultimate big sister to him and he still leans on her.  The years she was in Texas were especially hard on him.  Casey knew Mandy would come home and would watch the calendar for those dates.  He just knew she was gone.

Since he didn’t show many signs of autism, we waited.  He was going to preschool and getting speech.  There wasn’t much I would have done differently had he had a diagnosis.  When it was time for Kindergarten, though, the signs were becoming more obvious.  He went to our county board of DD Kindergarten and had a one on one aide that he adored.  I also made an appointment with the neurologist for him.  It didn’t take the doctor long to agree that he had autism, too.

I wasn’t surprised.  I didn’t feel much of anything, really.  It was what it was and a diagnosis didn’t change any of us.   It wasn’t till a few days later when Casey had one of her hours long meltdowns that it occurred to me he may start doing that, too.  And I cried.  I wasn’t strong enough to handle two screaming, kicking kids.

God was watching over me.  While Rob does have his issues, meltdowns have never been one of them.  He rarely gets angry and when he does, he tends to cry (like his mom!).   Rob was happy to go to school with Casey and his teachers were awesome with him.  His aide, Beth, went with him and stayed with him through elementary school.  He still talks about “My Beth” – that’s what he always called her.

Sensory issues were Rob’s biggest obstacle.  He hated most shirts, but jeans and tennis shoes were no problem.  He wore a hat everywhere he went.  He had hunter ear protection that he wore through his school day to add pressure to his head and block unexpected loud noises.  He had a huge platform swing in his classroom that he used all of the time.  Beth discovered while he was laying in his swing, he could spell and read and recite math facts much easier.

When he became stressed, he squeezed his jaw or flapped at his ears.  He still does the flapping, but now it’s by his jaw and it doesn’t happen often.  In some ways, his sensory issues have gotten better.  He is willing to try new foods, new places and new clothes, for short periods of times.  In others, it’s become harder for him.  Crowds bother him more.  Being hot is extremely uncomfortable.

Rob is a grown man now, but that little boy is still inside him.  He still loves Dr. Seuss and his Power Rangers.  Willy Wonka and The Wizard of Oz will always stop him in his tracks.  He still builds trees and power poles with his Legos.  “Where did Robbie go?” will always get a smile and giggle from him.  He is still Mom’s boy and still leans on Mandy.

He doesn’t like to get dirty like he used to.  He hates anything gooey on his hands.  He doesn’t like to wear jeans (though part of that is trying to find a pair that fits well!) and doesn’t always have a hat on.  His interests are not those of a grownup, but he is a happy guy.

To him, the best part of his birthday will be that Grandma Rose and Grandpa Mack, Mandy and Cory will be here and we will have Long John Silver’s for supper.  He’ll grin as we sing to him and blow out his candles.  He’ll open presents and say thank you.  And then he’ll be done with being the center of attention and disappear into his room.

I know many of your reading this have little ones.  I know you have days when you wonder how you can keep going because you are so darn tired.  I had those days and I can tell you, it does get easier.  It may not be a perfect life, but no one has that.  You will always have hard times, but you are strong enough to handle it.

I didn’t always believe in myself, but we are making it, day  by day.  I can sit and remember how far the kids have come and some day, you will do that same.  Your journey won’t look like ours at all, but it will still be a good one.  The ups and downs average out – even when the downs seem to never end.  Always believe in yourself and your child.

As for me, I’m going to go wrap Rob’s presents and hope he likes them.  I’m going to look at his scrapbook and know that little boy is still around – as cute and as ornery as ever.  I’ll be grateful he doesn’t climb to the roof and jump anymore and that he finally seems to have a small awareness of danger.  Some day, you will look back and be proud your child has come just as far.

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Autism and a New School Year

Autism and a New School Year

Even though my kids are well beyond school, we still talk about it every August.  Rob wants to be sure he doesn’t have to go back and Casey wants to know how soon she can watch the school bus go by our house again.  A child with autism and a new school year can be so stressful for everyone!

My family was lucky.  With just a few exceptions, Casey and Rob had amazing, wonderful teachers who are still friends today.  These ladies went above and beyond to help them – to learn, to grow, to become the awesome young adults they are today.  Saying thank you will never be enough to any.  I can only hope that the people who helped us will always know how grateful we are.

Letting your little one head off to school is so hard, especially when they have special needs.  You have to wonder if they are happy – safe – hungry – tired – thirsty – you name it.  Can they ask for help?  Will the teacher love them and see how special they are?  At times, it may seem easier to just homeschool and keep your child safely with you.

Believe me, there were years I considered that.  I got so tired of dealing with it all.  Their teachers were so good, but their hands were tied at times.  The government made the rules and even if the rules were stupid, they had to be followed.  So many times, I wanted to be a politician, just so I could have a say in the laws that were made.

The reality was, I knew the kids needed to go to school as much as I needed a break from them.  They needed to be around children their own age and have a chance to make friends, if they wanted them.  Rob had a big group of buddies.  Casey was a loner.  It’s funny, because now, those roles are reversed.  She has the group of friends and he sticks with a few close ones.

There are so many things you can do to help your child’s school year go well!  Communication is so important!  When my kids were little, texting didn’t exist, yet, but each of them had a notebook that went back and forth every day.  Their preschool teachers started this habit and we continued for years.  I love going back and reading them – their entire elementary years are in those books.  Sometimes, it makes me cry.  There were some black times.

Meet your child’s teacher as soon as possible.  Take your child to meet them – or invite the teacher to your home so they can meet in a “safe” place.  Don’t force your little one to spend a lot of time with the teacher – just let them get comfortable.  Trust me, this will make your first days of school much easier.  Set up a way to communicate with the teacher.  Perhaps you could send a quick text if your child didn’t eat or sleep well or if something happened that may affect their day.

For longer concerns, send an email.  But remember that the teacher is busy during the day and don’t get upset if you have to wait till evening or the next day for a response.  Would you rather the teacher answered your email or spend time with your child?  For immediate concerns, call the school.  But make sure it is a true emergency.  Remember – every minute the teacher is dealing with you is a minute they are not with your child.

I’m sure notebooks are a thing of the past for communication, unless your child has a one on one aide who might have time to write each day.  Maybe the teacher could text you a smile for a good day.  It won’t take them long and your mind will be at ease.  You have to discuss these options – or others – with the teacher.  Don’t wait for the teacher to bring it up.  Again, you are preparing one child for school – the teacher is trying to prepare for an entire class of students (and their parents!) that all have different needs.

If you can, take your child to visit the school.  Even if it is the same school, show them their new classroom.  Take pictures of everything and make a picture schedule for your child to carry.  When Casey started elementary school, she had pictures of her desk, of her backpack on her hook in the classroom, of the bathroom, of all of the staff at the school.  Anything she might need during the day was included in her little book.

Make a social story book to help your child understand situations they might encounter, such as waiting in line or riding the school bus.  Try to think outside the box – go beyond normal.  I made up silly songs to help Casey.  (she liked my singing – Rob not so much!)

Let your child pick out their school supplies as much as possible.  Making choices gives them a little control over a world that is out of control much of the time.  Buy the clothes your child is comfy in.  Rob wore striped t-shirts with no pockets from Walmart for several years.  He chewed on the fronts of them, but he was happy and relaxed so I let him wear what he wanted.  I still do that.  Fighting over fashion is a huge waste of time and energy!

Consider your child’s sensory needs and be sure the teacher is aware of them.  The fire alarm could send both Casey and Rob into hysterics.  They were taught to cover their ears (though Rob had so many issues with noises, we eventually bought him a set of hunter’s ear protection to wear at school every day.  Not only did they block noise, but they gave him pressure on his jaw to ease anxiety) and the school informed their teachers before the alarms were pulled so they could warn the kids.

Try to be patient.  Remember that nothing gets done quickly, especially when there is testing that needs done, that can only be done after a certain paper is signed, after a specific amount of time has gone by.  Be patient, but be informed.  Stay on top of what needs done.

Teachers, please be patient with your parents.  You have the children 7 hours a day and you think about them more than that.  But – those children are not keeping you awake all night or refusing to eat or screaming and breaking things.  Your parents are more tired than you are and are doing the best they can.  Sometimes, a simple smile can do more for an exhausted parent that you can imagine.

Respect each other.  No bad mouthing – no criticizing. Understand you are both doing the best you can.  If there truly is a problem. talk it out.  Find a mediator to ease the discussion.  Say thank you.  Treat each other the way you want to be treated.  It’s simple.

Parents, I’m all for being nice.  But when it’s time to not be nice anymore, don’t be afraid.  You are your child’s best advocate.  You have to stand up for them.

Good luck this year!  I hope everyone has an amazing school year.  There were many times I wasn’t sure we would make it, but Casey and Rob both have high school diplomas and I couldn’t be more proud of them.  They worked hard and struggled many times, but they did it.  Casey even participated in her graduation ceremony!

We made it because of the love and dedication of so many people.  Karen, Stacey, Polly, Beth, Ruth, Donna, Wendy, Jerri, Cinda, Barb and so many others.  Know that the kids still talk about each of you and you  changed their lives.  We love you!

I hope each of your has a wonderful first day of school and an even better school year!

 

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Autism and Sheltered Workshops

Autism and Sheltered Workshops

I just read another post that stated every sheltered workshop and day hab center needs to close and everyone who attends should find a “real” job.  I’m not a happy mom.

I understand the reasoning behind possible laws stating every able-bodied person should be working and earning a minimum wage.  Don’t they think that I would be pushing for that for my kids if I truly believed either one would benefit from it?  Casey and Rob need Hopewell – it really is that simple.  Does everyone that goes there need it?  No, of course not, but everyone has different abilities.  I just don’t understand why that is so hard for some people to understand.

Casey might…  maybe… possibly… be able to go to a “real” job – with supports, for a short amount of time.  If she wants to and is in the right mood and doesn’t decide that going to see Norma (a senior citizen she has developed a special friendship with) would be a better idea.  Casey doesn’t care about money.  She understands she needs money to buy things, but not where money comes from.  (Mom’s purse!  How it got there, she doesn’t know or care.)

Rob could not, at this point in his life, handle a job.  It’s that simple.  He doesn’t like noises, crowds, strange people or a different routine.  His anxiety levels are finally leveling out (and by that, I don’t mean it’s gone – I mean he isn’t humming, flapping, squealing and stealing paper clips all day long!)  He could not do it.   However, if any politician wants to prove me wrong, by all means, message me.  You can take him for a day – or a few hours – or an hour – whatever you can handle.  Ask the people who work with him every day what they think.

Rob doesn’t care about money, either.  The only thing he wants is to have 3 quarters in his pocket every morning when he leaves.  He never spends them, just likes having the ability to buy a pop if the need arises.  He understands that money is needed to buy things, but he doesn’t care where it comes from, either.

I do understand that there are many people out there who desperately want a “real” job and to make their own money.  There are people who need that job to live on their own or help support their families.  For those people, keep fighting!  Demand your services and what you need.  But, please, do not lump my kids into your needs.  We have our own needs.

Sure, it would be great if Casey and Rob were making money and could pay for the things they want or the places they want to go.  Who wouldn’t want a little extra money?  But it isn’t going to happen any time soon.  Maybe in a few years, they will both want jobs and I’ll move mountains to see that they get what they want.  Until then, don’t take away the place we all need.

Neither of the kids have brought home paychecks in months.  But – they are happy!  They are going places with their friends.  Rob is even interested in exploring new places and new experiences.  Casey can volunteer to her heart’s content.  She can have breakfast with the “girls” club (that Rob always seems to invite himself to!) and paint rocks to make others happy.

She can visit the nursing homes and see Norma or play wii or sneak a drink of pop.  They are going swimming with friends.  Rob will be going back to aquatic therapy soon.  All of this and more is available to them because of the workshop they attend.  I couldn’t do it for them.  I can’t take Casey every where she wants to be and leave Rob at home and he doesn’t want to go.  It just doesn’t work.

What about my job?  As much as I wish I was rich, I’m not and a job is a necessity.  If their lose their day hab services, what am I supposed to do?  They can’t be alone and I can’t afford to pay (their waiver will pay for some hours, but not nearly enough).  So where does that leave us?

I do understand what people are saying about minimum wages and the need for people with disabilities to be accepted into our communities.  I fight for that acceptance every day.  What I don’t understand is why it has to be an “all or nothing” situation.  Why do sheltered workshops or day habs have to disappear so people can have jobs?  It just doesn’t make sense to me.

We stress all of the time about looking at a person’s interests and abilities when making a plan for them, but someone who has never met my kids can make a major life decision?  Yes, please, no fanks as Rob says.  We would never take away a person’s therapy or medication without something to replace it – why in the world does taking away their secure, happy place make any sense?

My prayer is that all of the talk floating around is just that – talk.  Rumors or half-truths that have no bearing.  But, I hear about sheltered workshops closing and families being desperate for help.  I know they are expensive to maintain and finding quality staff can be an issue.  Casey and Rob need Hopewell – and so do I.

Keep fighting for what your family member needs.  Never, ever stop doing that – but just keep in mind that our needs are different.  This can’t be a “one size fits all” decision.

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Welcome to Autism, Apples and Kool Aid

Autism and Siblings

Welcome to the first post on Autism, Apples and Kool Aid. I’m the mom of three amazing kids – and a wonderful son-in-law! My oldest daughter, Casey, and my son, Rob, both have moderate autism. Our autism journey started almost 28 years ago and what a wild ride it’s been!

I’m not here to tell you that autism is easy – but it isn’t the terrible disaster that so many seem to think it is, either. My hope for this blog is to share my circus in the hope that families who are on this journey with us will share our laughs and our tears – but ultimately realize all of our kids are our most precious gifts.

The name for this blog came from one day that is stuck in my memory. A day which has proved that, sometimes, autism sucks, but sometimes, it’s our reaction that causes more problems.

Rob was 13 or so at the time and we had just finished remodeling our dining room. I was in another room when I heard thump, rumble, rumble, crash, splash and Rob’s giggles. What the heck? As I ran towards the sounds, I heard it again – thump, rumble, rumble, crash, splash and giggles. I found Rob in my beautiful dining room with an apple in his hand and red Kool Aid running down my walls.

It took a second to see the plastic cups of Kool Aid lined up on the table and for the dots to connect. “Don’t throw that….” I shouted as he launched the apple across the table. It connected squarely with the next cup in line. The cup flew in the air, the Kool Aid went everywhere and Rob doubled over giggling. I just stood there and looked.

When he picked up another apple, I sprang into action and grabbed the apple from him. He laughed, hugged my legs and took off for his room. I was left standing there watching red Kool Aid run down my walls, off my curtains, down my windows and drip from the ceiling fans. I was furious! What in the world possessed him to do something like this? He had gone bowling a few days before and I guess he decided to make his own at home.

It took me forever to get the room cleaned up. All the while, I’m mumbling not so nice words under my breath. Steam was probably coming out of my ears by the time I got done. I mumbled about autism… about red Kool Aid… about sticky floors… about not being able to handle this anymore. I’ll admit, my anger took over. Now, this is funny. At the time, I was ready to explode.

Finally, the room was clean. I was sweating like crazy and still mad about the mess…. and I flipped the ceiling fan on. You guessed it – in my anger, I had forgotten to clean those blades…. and little spots of Kool Aid flew all over the room again. My temper exploded and I began to clean again.

But – after the anger passed, I realized that day taught me a valuable lesson about living with autism. Often, our reactions to what happens make problems worse. Had I stayed calm, I would have thought to clean the blades (I hope!). I wouldn’t have been so hot to flip the fan on. Had I just cleaned the room and laughed with Rob, I would have only had to do it once.

I’m not always successful, but I try – really hard – to make sure my reactions to my children’s behaviors don’t cause more problems for all of us. Sometimes, my reaction is simply to walk away until we are all calm. Walking away isn’t always bad.

So, welcome to my circus. Come back to soon and let’s learn together how to live, laugh and love with autism!

Jen