Tag: autism families

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Autism and a Different Looking Christmas

Autism and a Different Looking Christmas

As autism parents, we want to give our kids the same magical Christmas that typical families have. It’s a struggle, at times, but who decided what type of Christmas is the best?  Just because we do things differently than anyone else doesn’t make our holiday traditions any less special.

I just read an article about one family who gives their son with autism a gift every day for a week or so.  He can’t handle the excitement and the over-stimulation of Christmas morning, so they spread out his gifts over time.  He can enjoy each gift and not be overwhelmed.  They don’t have a big Christmas tree, as it’s not safe for him, but they have a tree in their daughter’s room, so she can enjoy it the whole season.

Unfortunately, I also read some of the comments from people about their arrangement.  I can’t understand why people are so negative!  We need to support each other and our choices, not tell them how to enjoy their holiday!  If that family is happy and it works for them, that’s awesome.  I’m betting that the people who made negative comments have a few odd things about their holidays, too!  🙂

We don’t have to go to that extreme here, but we also don’t go to a lot of parties or events.  I try to find things the kids would enjoy doing that doesn’t involve crowds (or we go at odd times to miss the people!).  Last night, we went to a drive-thru festival of lights about an hour from home.  Casey knew we were going and was up early that morning to get ready, even though she knew it had to be dark before we would see lights.  She seemed to enjoy it, but I’m not sure Rob liked it as much.  He was looking at lights, but he didn’t seem to care much about them.

The nice thing about the drive-thru light shows is we don’t have to worry about other people.  We can go early, before the lines of traffic get too bad and be nice and warm in our car as we look at the beautiful displays.  I can turn music on that they like and they can have snacks, if they want.  The zoo has an awesome light display and we’re thinking about traveling there soon.  Both of the them love the zoo, but with Rob fighting yet another ear infection/virus, I’m not sure walking around in the cold is such a good idea.

Casey wants to see Santa.  And go shopping for gifts for others.  And make cookies.  And go to the zoo.  And go to another light show.  And go to the Christmas dance.  And wrap presents.  And… and…. and….   Rob wants to go to the dance.  Period.  🙂   He does enjoy picking out gifts for others, but he doesn’t get excited about it like Casey does.  He’ll go when I say “Let’s go shopping.”  He’ll wrap presents whenever we get to it.  He’s pretty laid back about the whole thing.

Christmas Eve, we’ll open presents from each other.  I started doing this when the kids were younger to help entertain them that day while I was finishing getting ready for Christmas.  Then, I wanted them to understand who gave them what gifts. (My kids have to write thank you notes for their presents – old fashioned idea, maybe, but it’s important to show appreciation!)  When we did everything on Christmas morning, they couldn’t really appreciate their gifts.  So now, Christmas morning is just for Santa.

Casey is already talking about getting “up in da dark” that morning.  Last year, Rob got up during the night and ate snacks from his stocking while I slept.  He never touched the presents, but couldn’t resist the little can of Pringles in the stocking.  Casey rips everything open, yanks tags off of clothes and leaves it all piled on the couch.  Then she goes back to bed until she has to get ready to go to her grandma’s house for lunch.  Rob is slower at opening gifts and usually goes back to bed, too.

Often, when they get back from lunch, they take another nap before supper at my parent’s house.  Casey has such a schedule in her mind that I’m not sure she truly enjoys the day. (Autism and schedules can just stink at times!)  She is very serious about each thing we do and you can almost see her checking items off her list until late that evening, when her list is complete, and she can relax.

We don’t rush from place to place for days.  A long time ago, I learned it was so much more fun to take a nap on Christmas Day than rush around.  We have a very relaxed holiday here.  People are welcome to stop by and see us if they would like.  I’ll have snacks and cookies for guests.  But, really, it’s a quiet day.  They have plenty of time to relax between grandmas’ houses and are usually ready for bed right on time that evening.  (Of course, we have to stick with our usual evening routine, even on Christmas!)

The hardest part of my holiday is shopping for Rob.  Casey will give me a list a mile long – including colors and sizes – but this year was the first time Rob told me something he wanted for Christmas!  I was in tears when he said he wanted “Signs” for Christmas!  (And yes, he is getting several!)  He has never been able to answer “what do you want for Christmas?” before.  A huge step forward!!   I also buy him things most people wouldn’t really consider gifts – a huge box of crayons he won’t use, several packs of clay to cut up, packs of paper to rip up.  (Lots of sensory things to help with his autism anxiety!)  These things make him happy, so that’s what he gets.

There are so many things I would love to do around the holidays!  I have a list of places that we can visit that I think the kids might enjoy, but I have to stop and consider their needs, especially Rob’s.  He needs time to be at home, in his room, ripping magazines and just chilling out.  Casey needs that time, too, but she’s more likely to run and run and run and then have a meltdown.  Balancing their needs is difficult – especially at this time of the year.  Today, she wants to go shopping before they go to grandma and grandpa’s house, but he is having major anxiety issues, so that’s not something I’m willing to attempt.  She isn’t pleased with me, but she’ll get over it.  I hope without a meltdown.

Our Christmas won’t look like yours, but it’ll be special – just for us.  Just like every other family in the world, we do what’s best for us.  It may look odd to you, but running yourself ragged trying to do everything looks odd to us.   🙂   I hope each of you finds the perfect balance for your own special family!

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Autism and the Questions I Never Asked

First, I have to say, the above picture is one of my absolute favorites of the three kids together. It has been hanging in my kitchen or dining room since it was taken – 14 years ago! I realize you can’t see the kids’ faces, but I just love that they are walking hand in hand and completely in step with each other on a beach that they love going to. Autism isn’t obvious, unless you know the kids.

That really is a snapshot of how they grew up. Mandy was in the middle and guiding Casey and Rob towards fun and safety. She never seemed to notice how different they were from her friends’ siblings or that her life was very different in ways, because of autism. The kids weren’t always in such perfect step together, but they were always together.

I am always bragging to people at how amazing Mandy and Cory are to Casey and Rob. There are so many siblings that simply have nothing to do with the person with autism and I thank God every day that my kids are close. I just can’t imagine the pain a parent would feel knowing that autism kept the family from being close. Mandy will say how great her childhood was and, in many ways, I think it was. But – there are questions I never asked her, because I am not sure I want to hear the answers.

Like – did she ever notice that we didn’t go many places as a whole family? Did it bother her that many times, she only had one parent at her school events? (yes, I know many children have only one parent at events, but I’m thinking just of her. 🙂 )

Did she ever notice that so often when we played Barbies or horses or Power Rangers that I never got too far away from the top of the stairs so I could hear what was going on downstairs? Did she notice that I was distracted as we played some days?

Did she feel left out when Casey and Rob went to therapies? I know she didn’t like that they had horse therapy, at first, because she so loved horses and she wanted to ride, too. When she got a little older, she volunteered with the riding club, but I still regret that she didn’t get to ride when she was the one who loved horses so much.

Did she get tired of sharing a room with a sister who had meltdowns often? or who couldn’t sleep many nights?

I know there were times she was furious with Casey and Rob. There were times they took something precious to her and broke it or just got on her nerves. But did she resent the way I handled those situations? I could tell Casey and Rob not to touch things that weren’t theirs, but in reality, their impulsiveness overrode any words I could say. I never felt I handled those times right – I tried, but I don’t think she truly understood that I knew how upset she was – there was just little I could do, except cry and hope that she didn’t grow up to hate her brother and sister.

Did she notice how many times Casey and Rob’s needs had to come before hers? When they were little, I hoped every day that she would never feel like she wasn’t just as important as the other kids, but it was (and still is, at times) a worry I can’t shake.

Did she have plenty of time to just be a kid? And not have to help keep an eye on Casey and Rob as we played outside or ventured to a store? Did she have enough freedom to just be her – Mandy – and not their sister?

Did I make sure they all followed the same rules? I hope so – I tried – but I wonder, at times, if I was more lenient on Rob, because he was the baby, not so much because he had autism. I suppose that’s something every parent worries about, but when there is a special needs sibling or two tossed in, it’s even harder.

It seemed some days that my entire day was dealing with autism in one way or another. Those nights, I would fall into bed and feel so guilty that Mandy didn’t get the few minutes of attention I wanted to give her. (Autism mom/dad guilt just sucks, doesn’t it?) I hated that I couldn’t spend the whole afternoon playing games with her without constant interruptions from autism.

Did she resent it when I asked her to watch the movie Casey or Rob chose, even though it was her turn? It didn’t happen often, but some nights, I just couldn’t deal with the thought of another meltdown from Casey because her movie wasn’t on when she got out of the bath. Luckily, Mandy and Rob tended to be obsessed with the same movies (except Willy Wonka – she never got into that one like he did!) – like Wizard of Oz and the Power Rangers – at the same time. And even luckier, Rob did whatever Mandy wanted so he was happy with anything she chose.

Did she get tired of our routines? Or did she like that she always knew what was going to happen?

I know every parent has questions like this, whether there are special needs family members or not. This is just something I’ve been thinking about the last few days – I’m not sure why – maybe because I was looking at pictures from when they were younger and thinking about how many times Mandy had to jump in and help with Rob when Casey was having a meltdown. Or look for Rob when he climbed somewhere and we couldn’t find him. And those thoughts led to the questions.

Casey, Mandy, Cory and Rob are close now. While Casey loves Mandy and Cory, Rob takes that love to an adoration. He is still the same little boy who would follow his sister wherever she wanted to go (and I have pictures to prove it!) and now he follows Cory that same way. Now, I know she doesn’t resent her siblings, but when they were little? I’m sure there were times she hated autism – same as I did. I am sure she never hated Casey or Rob – just the actions that were caused by the autism.

I wish that every person with autism had a Mandy and a Cory in their lives – that every family could be as close as ours. Despite my guilt at not always being the mom I wanted to be for Mandy, I know how lucky we are to have each other.

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Autism, Discipline and Manners – Is it Possible?

Autism, Discipline and Manners

For the 5th time in just a few weeks, a parent told me that they never “discipline” their child with autism – that their life is hard enough without rules they need to follow.  HUH??   What exactly does that mean?

You read it right.  There are parents (both of special needs and typical children!) that no longer believe in teaching their children manners or rules.  They want to be the child’s “friend” and too many rules will make that impossible.  They believe no one else is polite, so why worry about their child’s manners?   And I’m sorry – I have the wrong attitude – but I wanted to smack them!  You don’t have a child to get a new best friend (but, if you are lucky, you do become that – through hard work, patience, laughter and love!)

I suppose, in a way, I was lucky that Casey had turned 4 before she was officially diagnosed.  I had certain expectations for her and taught those to her before I was told it would never be something she could do.  (Remember – this was 26 years ago – autism information has come a long way since then!)  I was told she would never be potty- trained, never talk, never be able to communicate her needs/wants, need constant supervision.  (I have since thrown away that first book I read – it was terrifying!)

Some of what I was told may have come true, but not much of it.  And through all of the books I read and conferences I went to, I continued to have expectations for her – the same ones I had for Mandy and Rob.  Sure, it was harder to teach her and Rob some things, but I never gave up.  I had to be creative at times to teach them to say please, thank you and excuse me.  I still have to constantly remind them to let others walk through a door before them and to share.

Sometimes, I have to remind them to say please and thank you.  But, that’s what a parent does – you constantly remind your child to act in a certain way.  You don’t give up because it is difficult.  You find new ways to teach them.  Because rude people are not accepted in society.  It may seem to be the norm, now, but it is not acceptable to me.  Autism does not mean my kids have a free pass to be rude little brats.   Nope, no way, not in my house.

Are they always perfect?  God, no!  Am I?  Nope.  Do I let things slide at times that I shouldn’t?  Yep – especially when we are having a hard day or we are tired.  Do I regret it?  Sure – but I’ve never claimed to be a perfect mom.  I do my best and let stuff slide – probably more often than I should, but some days, the little things just aren’t worth the added stress.

Yesterday is a prime example.  I wasn’t feeling well – Casey was in a mood – Rob repeated his anxiety song for almost 9 (yes – 9!) hours straight with no breaks.  By the evening, I didn’t care about how well they scrubbed themselves in the shower or how well their teeth got brushed.  We just needed it done with as little added anxiety as possible.

But, even at that, having autism doesn’t give them a pass on behaving themselves.  Autism causes certain behaviors and I would never “punish” them for those, but other things are not autism.  And I expect them to behave.  When they don’t, I correct them and explain in as few words as possible what they need to do.  Sometimes, saying “That’s bad.” is all I say.  If you say too many words, your child won’t be able to process what you are saying and you will be wasting your breath – and be right back where you started from.

Everyone has rules.  Your child may have autism, but they need rules, too.  You don’t leave the house.  You don’t climb to the roof.  You don’t jump off the roof.  You don’t leave with strangers.  You don’t hit others.  You have to wear clothes when you leave the house.  No spitting.  No running.  Hold an adult’s hand when you cross the street.  You will wear seat belts.  You don’t sleep at work.

Rules keep your child safe.  Will your child understand that?  Probably not.  Will it be easy?  Nope – you may never teach them some rules so you can trust them to do it.  (Look both ways before crossing a street is a tough one for us.  They both glance each way AS they are crossing the street.  It’s a constant battle, but one that I can’t give up on.  It’s a matter of safety!)

Being impulsive is a huge part of autism with some people, so not only will you be fighting the communication aspect, but also their own impulses.  You will get tired, but you have to do this!  You have to teach your child – you have to discipline them.  Imagine how your typical child will feel if they are punished for something, but the child with autism isn’t.  While I know life isn’t fair, that definitely isn’t!  It’s hard enough to have a sibling with autism without feeling as though they are more important or special than you.

Obviously, you will have to figure out what is autism behaviors and what is just being a brat.  Meltdowns from sensory issues cannot be helped, until you know what’s causing the problem and fix the issue – are their clothes uncomfortable?  Are they hot?  Cold?  Hungry?  Anxious?  Are the lights too bright or blinking?  Is it too noisy?  Is someone’s perfume too strong?  Always remember that meltdowns are NOT tantrums.

A child has a tantrum when they are told “no” or something is taken away they want.  Or when they are tired or hungry.  They kick and scream, but know exactly what they are doing.  A child with autism will kick and scream, but have no awareness of who is around them.  Casey never knew I was there until she started calming down.

You aren’t doing your child any favors by letting them do whatever they want at home.  You are making their teacher’s life miserable because, at school, they have to follow rules!   That teacher has enough to handle without the added bonus of a little brat with parents who refuse to believe their angel could be bad.

Autism or not, discipline and manners are important!  I know you are tired and stressed and don’t want to deal with anything else.  I’ve been there!  But, the sooner you start teaching your child, the easier it will be to continue.  Take a breather when you need to – don’t strive to be perfect.  A perfect parent simply does not exist.

 

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Friends without Autism – and That’s Okay!

Friends without Autism - And That's Okay!

Any one who lives with autism has probably made a comment about not having any friends who don’t understand autism.  I do understand that statement – and I’d never consider anyone a friend who was cruel to my kids or anyone else with special needs – but I think, sometimes, we are too hard on those who don’t live with autism.

I’ve written before about a special group of ladies in my life.  I don’t get to see them often (if you think trying to make plans with one person with autism is difficult, try 6 – 8!) but when I do, it’s as if we’ve never been apart.  We do talk about autism and how it affects every single, teenie tiny part of our lives, but that’s not the only thing we talk about.  And sometimes, it’s the not talking about autism that helps as much!

I don’t know about you, but sometimes, I’m tired of autism.  I am in no way saying I’m tired of my kids – I’m saying I’d like to make simple plans – or watch TV without “Long Black Train” being sung in the background – or be able to eat my supper while it’s still mostly warm (I’ve pretty much given up on hot meals!  🙂  ).  I want to talk about anything but autism.  I’m lucky – I have Tracie.  She’s used to the sound effects in my house (even if she giggles while I grumble!  🙂 ) and we can have a long conversation that would probably be boring to anyone but us.

And this brings me to my point.  Thanks to Facebook (if you ignore the drama and trash, it can be a great way to find old friends and stay in touch with far away family!) I’ve been able to reconnect with some women who were a huge part of my life many years ago.  Mandy and their daughters were in Brownies and Girl Scouts together and the group of us moms became friends.  We took the girls places and worked on the PTO together.  And we didn’t talk about autism.

I never hid autism from them, but when I was with them, I could just be Mandy’s mom.  I could be a Brownie mom or a room mother or a PTO volunteer.  I wasn’t trying to handle meltdowns or sensory issues.  I was simply laughing and enjoying being a mom.  After reconnecting on Facebook, I started thinking about how much fun I had during those meetings.

I’m sure there were days these ladies wondered about Casey and Rob – and I’m sure we even talked about it at times, but those moments are not the ones that stand out to me.  What I remember most was the fact that they were so supportive of me and how much they helped me when getting Mandy places was going to be difficult.  She didn’t have to miss anything because I couldn’t find someone to stay with the other kids.

Cathy knew a lot that happened in our house because she and I were close friends before we had kids – she and Tracie were some of the first people I told when Casey got her diagnosis.  And they were both with me as I worried about Mandy and Rob and whether they may eventually be diagnosed, too.  But when we were with this group, autism wasn’t the topic.  Just being a mom was.

Kristi, Rhonda, Cathy, Stacy and others didn’t live with autism.  They didn’t know much about it.   And they were my friends.  Being friends with them allowed me to just be Mandy’s mom and that is one of the most precious gifts they could have given me.  I hope they understood what they did for me so many years ago, but I doubt it.  We were just having fun.

So many people only want friends who understand autism.  I get that.  Life is easier if your friends accept your children.  I’m only saying that it’s okay to have friends who don’t “get” autism.  Let yourself just be you and not an autism mom or dad.  We don’t get many breaks from autism – don’t ignore those chances when they come your way.

I wouldn’t be friends with someone who refused to ever listen to me if I was having a hard time with the kids.  But because someone doesn’t understand autism is not a reason to never be friends with that person.  Some of my closest friends have never met the kids – we were friends as children and now distances keeps us apart.  Just because they don’t know Casey and Rob is no reason to discontinue that friendship!  Many times, during tough days, a text from one of them brightens my day more than they can imagine.

Sometimes, I just don’t want to talk about autism or what affect it has on us.  I just want to grumble about bills or laundry or the never-ending list of things that need done around the house.  I need friends who understand my life – who are a big part of the autism parts, like Tracie – and friends who understand, but don’t live it, like my awesome co-workers.  And I need friends who truly don’t have a clue, but they care about us.

Don’t believe the memes you might see that say only people who understand autism can be your friends!  Yes, they need to have compassion for those with special needs, but they don’t  need to live it.  Let yourself enjoy an “autism-free” hour or two once in a while.  You will be shocked at how much better you will feel.

Hopefully, each of you will have a huge group of autism and non-autism friends – a big group that supports and loves you and your children.  We need friends to call when we need a shoulder to cry on – and when we need to vent – and when we need to try and think through a new plan – and when we just want to talk about the latest episode of The Walking Dead – and a new restaurant we tried.  Don’t limit yourself to people who live with autism – you might miss out on a most amazing friendship.

And don’t forget about online friends.  Sometimes, people you will never meet become close friends, simply because for some people, it’s even easier to be completely open and honest with those who don’t know you.  The fear of judgement is gone and you can just be you.  Message me anytime!  🙂  🙂

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How Autism Alters Birthday Expectations

How Autism Alters Birthday Expectations

In just a few days, Rob will be 26. Casey is more excited about it than he is – at least, so far. She wants cake and ice cream and balloons and presents. He wants to eat Long John Silvers for supper.

Rob doesn’t like being the center of attention. He likes opening presents, but won’t tell anyone what he would like. It’s almost like he thinks the presents just appear. He knows who gives him what, as the kids are expected to write thank you notes after receiving gifts (yes, probably an old-fashioned idea, but I insist and they do them without any fuss.) I help them by writing “Dear — ” and then they do the rest. Usually very short and sweet, but I think it’s important.

Anyway – he wants “presents” for his birthday. Any suggestions I give him as to what he might like, he just repeats. I struggle every holiday and birthday because I desperately want to give him things he wants. When he was little, it was easier – blocks, trucks and anything with ABC on it. Dr. Seuss books, Power Rangers, Wizard of Oz – all sure bets. Now, it’s harder. He used to want CDs or DVDs but he watches/listens to everything on his iPad now.

While he doesn’t completely understand gift cards, he does know that when he gets one with the golden arches on it, he gets to go to McDonald’s. And finally, a year or two ago, he understood the idea of money and being able to go buy what he wants. And I’m letting go of the idea of spending money just so he has something fantastic (to my way of thinking anyway) to open.

Because a week or so ago, I was looking through my scrapbook of the kids’ birthdays and I found his 10th birthday. You can sense my excitement over that day even now, as that was the first year he asked for a party! We had always had his cousins come over, but he never cared at all. He would open the presents, blow out candles on a cake he didn’t want and hide in his room.

But – that year! He wanted hamburgers and he wanted kids to come and swim with him. And we went all out for it! He had his cookout and they went swimming (until a storm blew in!). He opened presents and they went swimming again. Every picture of him that year shows a big smile on his face. He was playing with the kids (true, they were all in the pool together, not really one on one but he was having fun!).

I noticed something else about that year. I had listed his favorite presents – 10 packs of crayons and a jar of dill pickles. So simple, yet he was excited enough to hold them up to the camera so I could take a picture.

Every time it comes to buying presents for him, I tell myself (and I wrote it in this blog at Christmas!) that I’m going to buy stuff he likes. And I do, but I feel guilty if I don’t spend as much on him as I do Casey, Mandy and Cory. I know he doesn’t know the difference, but I do. I can tell myself a hundred times to let it go, but it bothers me.

This year, I bought him a few more street signs for his room, some clay to cut up and an ABC banner to hang up or rip up (it was only $1!) And I’m going to give him money to go to Walmart and pick out what he likes. Maybe a huge jar of pickles (I hope he’ll share!) or 15 boxes of crayons (which he doesn’t use anymore – his stockpile numbers close to 1,000 crayons now) or maybe he’ll buy packs of paper to rip up. It will be his choice, not mine.

Birthdays are a big deal to me.  I like making the birthday person feel special on their day and autism has an affect on that expectation.  I want to celebrate and buy the perfect gift.  I want to make the day awesome.  Casey is much easier to do that for – she loves everything about birthdays.  Rob, not so much.  He enjoys presents, but doesn’t appear to care what he gets.  He wants to pick where we eat supper at.  He wants Mandy and Cory and Grandma and Grandpa to come.  And he wants to disappear into his room as soon as possible.

I worry that he really wants something, but doesn’t have the ability to tell me.  Then I worry that he’ll be disappointed when he doesn’t get that special gift.  (Yeah – I worry too much at times!  🙁  )  Rob will know it’s his birthday because I will wake him up singing, but otherwise, he’ll go to Hopewell and be thinking about supper.   He won’t tell me his birthday or how old he is.  (He looks at Casey and waits for her to answer for him!)

So birthdays are another part of life that gets altered because of autism.  I have to let go of the idea I have of a perfect day for him and make it his idea of a perfect day.  It won’t match mine, maybe, but if it makes him feel special and happy, then that’s what we’ll do.

Happy Birthday, Robbie-Dodger – my little boy in a grown-up body, who still loves his Power Rangers and the Wizard of Oz, who loves ripping paper and magazines, who loves french fries and tacos and thinks his sisters (and Cory!) are the coolest people in the world.  I promise to make your day just what you want!   🙂  🙂

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Typical Week of Autism – What’s Next?

Typical Week of Autism - Whats Next?

This was a typical week of autism.  High highs and some lower days, too, but not super bad low so we’ll count it a good overall week.

Monday, we finally got to visit a state park about two hours from us.  Casey has been asking to go since last summer (it was one of those, yes, we’ll go and then ran out of summer days!) and she was thrilled.  However, despite being happy to  go, I was worried.  She had had major sinus issues all weekend and I had even told Tracie we would probably be at the doctor for a sinus infection instead of hiking.

She shocked me, though, and seemed better Monday morning.  She got out of breath a few times because her nose was stuffy but she laughed and giggled all day.  We had a picnic lunch before we began our hike and they both enjoyed that.

We visited Old Man’s Cave in Hocking Hills State Park.  The caves aren’t actually caves, but giant rock overhangs that people used to live under many, many years ago.  It’s so pretty and the trails are easy to follow.  Rob enjoyed looking at the creek and the little waterfalls – until we got to the “cave.”

He was walking with Tracie and seemed okay walking in at first, but he quickly decided he wasn’t staying.  There were a lot of people (but not super-crowded) and he turned to go back up the trail.  Nothing we could say would convince him to walk farther to see a bigger waterfall.  It wasn’t a big deal, so we turned around.

He stayed well ahead of us to make sure we wouldn’t try to make him go back and it wasn’t till we were back near the car that we both had an idea of what the problem might have been.  It hit me that he is severely claustrophobic – maybe the overhang (which was barely enough clearance for him to walk) was just too close for him.  Tracie remembered it was supposed to rain/storm later and we knew either reason could be right.  Or he was hot.  Or he had to go to the bathroom.  Or… or… or….  who knows?

Because it was so hot, we decided to drive to different parts of the park instead of hiking the entire path (several miles).  He jumped out of the car at the next place and happily started the hike.  Even when we had to walk down many flights of steps, he was fine.  He looked around and laughed.  Again, it wasn’t until we got close to another overhang that he got anxious.  He stood still (sort of!)  for one picture and then took off up the path again.  We had to keep telling him to slow down, as this was rocky and we were both afraid he would fall.

There was another spot nearby that had a waterfall and the hike wasn’t too long.  As soon as we got into the woods and looked down at the pool of water and the falls,  both kids got big smiles on their faces.  When we finally got down to it, there were several people wading in the water (it was clearly marked no wading or swimming…. but…  🙂  )   So I took my shoes off and asked Casey if she wanted to go wading.  She immediately took hers off.  I knew Rob would never go wading, but I had to try.

And he sat down, yanked his shoes and socks off and came right to me!   To say I was shocked is an understatement!  He never goes wading – ever.  I don’t remember the last time I saw him do it – not since he was little, I’m sure.  He walked through the cool water, found a big rock to sit on that he could still keep his feet in the water and he let the waterfall hypnotize him.  It was the best part of the day!  He looked so happy and relaxed!

Unfortunately, after our fun day of hiking, Rob and I both woke up with stuffy noses and coughs.  I thought it was allergies, but then we both had no energy.  He asked for the doctor one night, but then changed his mind.  So we took it easy all week – coughing and resting.  It’s just way too early to be dealing with this stuff!

We also had to deal with another issue that had both kids anxious and upset.  While I do share a lot on this autism blog, there are things that I believe are too private to the kids – or that may make the problem worse if I write about it.  It’s nothing I can change, fix or fight about – nor can I explain it to them to make them understand what is going on.  So besides not feeling good, they are both upset about this problem.  A low point of the week – trying to explain that they are not the problem.  Rob takes things like this very personally and is having a harder time than Casey.  She just keeps asking.

On Friday, they were supposed to go swimming with a group of friends from their workshop.  I had a feeling it wouldn’t go well, as this was the pool that Rob got stung at last year and he never forgets things like that.  But,  he wanted to go and I want him to try whatever he’s comfortable with.  I told staff that I would be available all day so I could go get him if needed.  He wasn’t there long before the anxiety got to be too much.  So I brought him home and wondered why exactly he was anxious.

Was it the weather?  (more storms coming!)  The bee sting?   The fact there aren’t any fountains to stand under in the pool?  Not feeling good?  The stress he was already feeling?  As a mom (thank you, Yvette!) commented on our Facebook page (and I LOVE this – it’s perfect for autism!) it’s like the Tootsie Roll commercial – how many licks does it take?  The world may never know!  I’ll never know why and he can’t tell me.  And I’m left thinking that sometimes, autism just isn’t fun for any of us.

So this week has been up and down with autism.  I am so proud of the things they accomplished this week!  I can’t imagine having a head full of thoughts and not being able to express those thoughts easily.  But every day, they keep trying with smiles and giggles.  If only we could all face our troubles like this!

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The Top 13 Things Having Children with Autism Taught Me

Top 13 Things Having Children with Autism Taught Me

Living with children with autism is a never-ending learning experience.  The therapy that worked today may not work tomorrow and the shirt that could easily be worn tomorrow might be one that couldn’t even be touched last week.  Parents are constantly on their toes for surprising new behaviors and we are always learning new things.  Here are the top thirteen things I’ve learned over the last 30 years as an autism mom.

  1. How to take out a toilet. Seriously, this is probably the one I’m most proud of.  Rob used to have a fascination with what floats and what just makes a large splash.  And since he knew he wasn’t supposed to play in the toilet, he would flush whatever he dropped so he wouldn’t get caught.  I can take out a toilet, remove the offending object (often match box cars) and reinstall the toilet in 15 minutes or so.  The only thing that ever stumped me was a plastic shot glass.  I was ready to permanently remove the toilet and insist they use a five gallon bucket over that one.
  2. How to find the softest shirts in the store. Rob’s severe sensory issues and refusal to wear shirts with sleeves or ones that he deems are not soft enough has caused me to return a LOT of clothes. No amount of washing can make a shirt soft enough for him, so we only purchase the softest ones we can find and cut the sleeves out of every single one.  I’m in the process of discovering a way to use the short sleeves cut from shirts.
  3. How to control a terrible temper. When I was young, I had a temper.  I’m sure my parents doubted I would ever learn to control it, but I did.  I needed every single bit of patience I had some days when both kids were having rough days – and I have a typical daughter, too.  I learned that getting angry really wasn’t worth the effort most days.  But, I also learned that when people realize I could blow up easily, I tend to get their attention fairly quickly – and if people see me crying in anger, they scatter.
  4. Laughing really is the best medicine. And honestly, most things are funny, if not at the time, then a little later.  I’ll admit – I still have a few days that are not funny and never will be.  They are days that I thought I would never laugh again.  But, I made it and so will every other autism parent that thinks today is the worst.  Red Koolaid slowing running down my freshly painted dining room walls is funnier than heck now.  At the time, I was ready to blow a gasket.  And that day inspired the name of my blog.
  5. Cinnamon and pepper never leave your sweeper. Yes, it’s true.  You can change the bags many times.  You can clean the guts of the sweeper.  You can use it over and over to sweep up carpet freshener, but you will always smell pepper and cinnamon until you get fed up and throw the sweeper away.  Also – green, blue and yellow food coloring has to wear off your children and it looks like they have healing bruises for weeks after painting themselves with it.  I never did find the red color.  Another thing I learned from this day – children with autism, when coached by a typical sibling – can climb drawers and cupboards like monkeys and enjoy every minute of it.
  6. The same brand of pretzel in different shapes tastes different. It’s true.  The little midget pretzels are acceptable only in certain brands, while the long rods in those same brands must never be touched.  Likewise, the long rods of another brand are delicious, while the little sticks can never be eaten.  Also – the pretzels that can be eaten at home usually cannot be eaten at any other house. Cherry tomatoes are wonderful snacks, but sliced tomatoes are yucky.  Chicken nuggets and French fries are acceptable meals at any place, at any time, but pizza can only be frozen, from a box.  Waffles should not be heated up, nor have any syrup.
  7. All Sesame Street characters, the Power Rangers and the Wizard of Oz are real people. And if you use them the right way, those characters can teach a child (or adult who is still obsessed with them) almost anything.  For years, Rob used lines from the Wizard of Oz, Lion King and Willie Wonka (the original) to communicate his needs.  I am so thankful that most movies are readily available now because when he was little, it was really difficult to find some of them and he wore them out quickly.  I’ve used silly voices (I’m especially good at Elmo, Cookie Monster, Grover and Ernie) to coach my daughter.  I can use stuffed toys to help her communicate when she is getting upset.  Autism parents do what we have to do to avoid screaming meltdowns.
  8. How to be nice – until it’s time to not be nice. I first heard this line from Patrick Swayze’s character in the movie “Roadhouse.”  It fits an autism parents’ life to a T!  When you have to deal with doctors, therapists, teachers, insurance companies, hospitals, other staff and your children, sometimes, you get fed up.  It’s hard to always be nice to people as our parents taught us to be.  I always tried to be nice, but when people decided they could make decisions for my kids based on charts and not the kids themselves, I learned to be not nice.  I learned to stand up for what they needed and not back down when people with degrees thought they knew everything.  They are incredibly smart (usually) but they don’t know what’s best for my kids.  I know my kids better than anyone!  So I’m nice to everyone – until it’s time to not be nice.  Then, watch out, people.
  9. How to speak up for us. I was a shy kid.  I didn’t like being the first person to speak unless I knew the crowd very well. Standing in the background was easier for me and I was quiet in crowds.  Speaking in front of a class was terrifying and likely to make me sick to my stomach.  After autism, I have been invited to speak at many meetings to share autism awareness and the stories of our family circus.  I enjoy doing these presentations because I know every time I reach one person with awareness, that person will reach another.  I also learned to speak in IEP meetings.  After all, I knew my kids the best and I knew what we needed.  Anyone who has been to IEP meetings, or any type of meeting about your child, knows how uncomfortable they can be, especially for the parents.  I learned to listen objectively and to think before I responded to get the kids what they needed.  It wasn’t easy, but my shyness is officially gone.
  10. It’s ok to ask for help.  I know most people know this, but this is still a hard one for me.  I hate, and I mean, hate, asking for help with anything.  I am always told how strong I am and to admit that I need help just drives me crazy.  But, slowly, over the years, I’ve learned that everyone needs help at times and that the strongest people know when to ask.  I have had a few emotional crying meltdowns because I kept quiet about things and didn’t ask for someone to watch the kids so I could sleep.  It’s still not my favorite thing to do, but I do ask when I need help – whether it’s watching the kids or just someone to talk to.
  11. Sleep is the most precious thing. Go ahead and laugh, but if you have ever had to go without sleep for weeks or months on end, you will understand this.  For many, many years, Rob couldn’t go to sleep at night and when he finally did crash, he was up and down several times each night.  I was lucky – he didn’t try to leave the house or destroy anything.  He just got a snack and lay on his bed, singing.  And by singing, I mean, squealing, laughing and shouting odd phrases until he could fall asleep again.  And on those rare nights that he actually went to sleep, Casey would be up singing, dancing and folding socks.  I am so thankful that I finally found the right combination to help him go to sleep and stay asleep most nights.  I am a new person with sleep.  Without it, I am a grouchy, crying emotional wreck.
  12. Socks are amazing and wonderful. Casey’s obsession with socks has been going on for almost 20 years with no signs of stopping. She easily has 250-300 pairs of socks and is always looking for more.  She has every color, holiday and animal you can think of, I think.  To be honest, I don’t really look at them much.  She can spend hours in front of her dresser or on the floor folding and refolding socks while she listens to music.  It is one of her coping techniques.  It’s also a great way to find kind people in the world.  Everyone who meets my daughter finds out her love for socks – usually because she is pulling up their pant leg to see what their socks look like.  Yes – even to complete strangers.  While this is usually met with a smile after I explain why she is doing it, at other times, it isn’t a pleasant experience.  I still hope the man who screamed at her in a craft store many years ago remembers us.  I sent the kids to the van with their sister and then I had a rather loud, possibly cuss-word filled discussion with him.  When it was over, the manager told him to leave and the crowd clapped for me. 
  13. It is possible to hear the same word/phrase/sound for hours and eventually not notice it. Rob gets fixated on phrases that he uses to help calm his anxiety.  When I sold our van last summer, after having it for 13 years, he said “Get the van.”  And said it and said it.  For the first few weeks, it was pretty much constant.  We drove to a park near our house (a five to six minute drive) and he said it more than 50 times.  I heard it every single time that night, but eventually, I only heard it when he was right in my face or yelling it at the top of his lungs.  It took him almost 6 months to stop saying it a lot.  That phrase still pops out every once in a while.  He has several phrases that he repeats over and over when his anxiety is running high.

Any situation can be a learning experience, if you are willing to think outside the box and laugh a lot.  Parenting is funny but when you had autism to the mix, life really gets interesting!  Now – what cool things has autism taught you?

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Autism and the Every Day Never Simple Questions

Autism and the Every Day Never Simple Questions

Autism is part of our lives.  A huge part – even if we don’t always consciously think about it.  I’m facing a decision  now that should be fairly easy, but autism is causing me to rethink everything.

Several months ago, I lost my sweet lab to lymphoma.  She was just a baby when we got her and she grew up around the noise and unexpected jumps, squeals and screams that occur around here.  Even with that, when Casey had a meltdown, Eve would get anxious, barking and trying to get between Casey and I.  She never tried to bite Casey or even jump on her –  just barked like crazy.

(Picture the scene – Casey jumping up and down and screaming bloody murder while the dog is barking a high pitched bark and bouncing around with Rob rocking and yelling “no fits, Casey!”  It’s a wonder my neighbors haven’t moved away!)

Losing her was one of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with.  She was my best friend – the one who listened as I vented and let me cry on her shoulder.  When Mandy and Cory lived in Texas and it was just Casey, Rob and I in the house, Eve was my buddy.  I talked to her about everything and she kept me from being lonely.  When she died, I felt like I lost part of me.  I had no idea when I would ever feel like getting another dog.

In the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about it.  I miss having a dog around the house, but I still think about her and wonder if I’m ready for another one.  She had so many quirks (I sometimes think she “caught” autism!  🙂  )  I wonder if I could let go of my expectations of the same quirks in another dog.  I wonder if I will love another one as much as I loved her.  And I wonder if another dog could be okay living in my circus.

I thought about getting an older dog – one that may not be as adoptable because of their age.  But – what if they can’t handle the noise?  the sudden movements?  The kids’ safety is the most important thing to me and a new dog is scary.  So maybe a puppy would be better.  One that could grow up with us like Eve did.

And today I realized that once again, autism is dictating our lives.  It should be a simple decision about whether to get a dog or not.  I get so tired of having to overthink every single decision I make.  Would Rob really wear that super soft shirt?  Will Casey be mad if I switch plans from one day to another?  Even what to have for meals!  (though that isn’t as  bad as it once was – I make what I make and Rob adapts to it or makes a sandwich)

It’s exhausting to have to think through every choice I make.  The kids want to go swimming.  Simple enough, right?  No, it isn’t.  Taking them to the pool without help is not going to happen.  Neither is taking them to the lake (though that would be easier, simply because they will stay together and with me).  I can’t take them to the river alone.

They want to go hiking.  Okay – great!  Outside and exercise… except, again, it isn’t that easy.  If we go  near a creek, Rob wants to sit and watch the water and relax while Casey wants to walk as far as she can.  He will walk, too, but watching water relieves his anxiety so much, it’s hard to drag him away from it.

This isn’t to say we don’t go lots of places without an extra adult, but going to strange places or where there are possible dangers is so much easier with an extra set of eyes on them.  They don’t run off like they used to, but who knows when it might happen again?   We do lots of things, but it’s always seems like it’s a big decision to go.  I’m tired of that.

I just want to decide to do something and do it without trying to think through every possible thing that can go wrong.  I want to take the kids to the pool if they want to go.  (I have taken them, but it’s hard and not something I really like to do.  We have a large aquatic center with a kids play area and sets of water slides – too much area for me to be able to watch them easily.)  Tracie will go with me – but there again, we can’t just go.  I need to see if she’s free and wants to go and plan from there.  I wonder if families who just decide to go swimming and leave know how lucky they are?

I try not to overthink choices too much but it’s hard when Casey and Rob are so different – even without the added stress of autism.  She wants to go – he wants to stay.  She will try anything – he has to think about it and often says no.   They are similar in ways, just like siblings usually are.  But, still, don’t you think it’s exhausting to always have to think about big (and little!) decisions so much?

Don’t you wish you could just say “Yes!  We’re going!” without thinking about the possible sensory issues or meltdowns or safety or food preferences?  I know I do!  At the same time, I wouldn’t change either of the kids.  Autism is as much a part of them as their hair color.  There are just times that I don’t want to have to think about how autism will affect a decision.

Most of the time, I don’t really think about it, I guess.  Our life is autism and I don’t think about a life without it.  I make decisions just like every other parent, based on what would be best for our family.  Autism is just so unpredictable that sometimes, decisions are hard to make.  I wish I could just decide to get another dog and go pick one out.

I asked Casey what she thought about a dog.  She wants a big one.  Rob wants Eve.  So do I.  So like everything else, we’ll see what happens.  I’m a firm believer in things happening when they are supposed to.  When it’s time, the right dog will find us.  Eve will make sure of it.

 

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A Diagnosis of Autism – Now What do you Do?

A Diagnosis of Autism - Now What?

Mandy was at a craft show today and met a lady whose grandson had recently  been diagnosed with autism.  Mandy talked to her for a while and shared a little of the conversation with me.  It brought back memories of similar discussions with other parents I’ve had over the years and shows again how lucky we were with our first few months.

Casey was very healthy and got her well-baby check-ups at our county health office, so our doctor never had a chance to tell us she was behind in many areas.  The nurse at the clinic didn’t seem concerned, but did say we should see about speech therapy for her.  I started driving her to a city 35 miles from home once a week for therapy.

Her therapist suggested she might benefit from preschool, so I enrolled her in the Y.  The first day I went to pick her up, I could hear her screaming from outside.  She was under a cupboard and out of control.  She was scared to death and overwhelmed by the noise and the differences in her routine.  She eventually settled down, but it was clearly not the right place for her.  The teachers were amazing and got on contact with our local school district.

Casey started her new preschool and loved it.  She adored her teachers and they understood a little more about autism.  During her summer break, she was officially diagnosed with autism.  We were pretty sure autism was the cause of her communication difficulties and the other signs that were beginning to show up in her life so hearing the doctor say the words wasn’t a big shock.

Since she was already enrolled in a specialized preschool, we merely continued with what we were doing – speech once a week and working with her on the same things her teachers were doing.  And I also began to watch Mandy and baby Robbie for signs of autism.  I couldn’t change it if they did have autism, but I wanted to know early.  When he was old enough, he started the same preschool that the girls had gone to.  He was already getting therapy before we got a diagnosis for him.

I had an amazing support system with teachers, therapists, family and friends.  No one really knew anything, but we all learned together and same days were not good.  There weren’t as many options for therapy in 1991 as there are now and when we did find something we wanted to try, it was rarely available in our small town – or insurance refused to pay for it.  And so the fight began…

I had to argue with the insurance company.  I had to call the doctor over and over to get prescriptions for therapies and then try to figure out how to pay for it.  Social Security wasn’t an option as it is based on family income until the child is 18.  So I did what I could and kept reading.

Most of the time, I felt incapable of getting the kids what they needed.  I was just a mom – not a professional with a bunch of letters after their name.  Surely, they knew what was best – right?  No!  And that was the hardest and first lesson you will have to learn.  YOU know your child best – their needs, their difficulties, what sets them off, what makes them happy.  Yes, you need to listen to the professionals, but never be too afraid or too shy to stand up and speak your mind.

I was too shy.  For months, the special education coordinator intimidated me.  He intimidated everyone – often, in meetings, he tapped pencils or shuffled papers and seemed to be not listening to a darn thing that was being said.  At the end of the meeting, he would hand me a paper and tell me to sign it.  And for a long time, I did.  I would leave meetings in tears – from anger and sadness.  Until one day, he shuffled his papers one too many times and Mama Bear showed up for the first time.

I slammed my hand on the table and told him that she might be a number to him but Casey was MY DAUGHTER and he was going to listen to every word being said or I would go over his head and find someone who gave a damn.  That was a turning point for us – and when he retired many years later, I called him a friend.   Always, always be nice as long as you can – but, stand up for yourself and your child, too.

Find a doctor you are comfortable with and who listens to you.  You are allowed to ask questions – if your doctor rushes you out or doesn’t acknowledge your child, you may want to find another doctor.  Hopefully, your doctor is like both of ours – they are willing to do whatever they can to help the kids.

One of the first phone calls I really recommend you make is to your county board of developmental disabilities.  They will have services that can help your family and be able to point your in the right direction for other help.   Most of the time, when your child becomes a client of your county board, you will be assigned a case manager (they are called service and support in our area) who will be the person you contact whenever you need help.  We have had amazing SSA’s over the years – I’ve cried to them and yelled and told them I was just too tired to deal with anymore.  They are my friends and I’m so grateful to each!

Social Security might be an option to help pay for services for your child, but remember, until your child is 18 it is based on family income.  It’s worth a call, though.

If your child is 3 or older, call your local school district.  Just a head’s up, though – all of this takes time and you may have to call more than once to get what your child needs.  Be persistent and know that, while your child is the most important to you, the district has 100’s of kids who are just as important.  Try to be patient – but persistent.  The squeaky wheel gets the grease, after all.

Some hospitals have therapy departments that may be able to service your child.  It might also be possible for lower rates if your insurance won’t pay.  It can’t hurt to ask.  Get used to asking for things because that’s a new part of your life.

Remember that this stuff doesn’t need to be done all at once.  Give yourself time to adjust to your new life.  Your child hasn’t changed, but having a diagnosis changes you.  Before, you were just a parent, now you are a parent of a special needs child.  Give yourself time to grieve, if you feel the need.  Some days, all you need to think about is just to take deep breaths.  Take care of yourself – that’s more important than ever.

Look for support, either in a group or online.  You will be surprised at how much better you will feel just by hearing what other parents have to say.  Lean on others and let them lean on you.  Most important – remember your child is still the sweet little person you love more than anything in the world.  Autism won’t define him/her any more than their hair color!

 

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Autism and a Mom’s Fear of No Fear

Autism and a Moms Fear of no Fear

A few weeks ago, I was reminded again that even though Rob has learned to fear a few things, he still doesn’t have a clue about how dangerous some situations can be.  Just another fun aspect of autism we deal with every day.

Rob was walking with a group from their workshop and never bothered to stop at a corner to look both ways before he stepped off the curb.  Luckily, the staff was quick and there were no cars coming.  But still, I have been trying to teach both of them to look both ways before crossing a street since they were tiny and it just won’t sink in.

Casey will flip her head like she’s looking, but she’s just doing what she thinks I want.  She isn’t really looking at all.  And she’s stepping into the street as she “looks.”  Rob won’t even hesitate to walk across a parking lot or a street.  He doesn’t even pretend to be looking.  I’ve got a grip on both of them or they are close enough to grab when we walk anywhere.

Part of the reason they aren’t scared is that even though I tell them a car might hit them, it’s never happened.  They have nothing to help them understand that they could get hurt and very badly.  I think the only way for either of them to understand the danger would be for one (God forbid!) to get hit by a car.  Even then, I’m doubtful the other one would be more careful.  It’s not something they have ever seen happen, so obviously, it’s never happened to anyone.

They both understand a stop sign.  They just don’t know why it’s there.  I’ve tried saying “Look, I’m stopping at a stop sign” when I’m driving, but they don’t even look up.  When we walk, I say “Look – a stop sign.  What do we do?”  One of them will say “stop” as they walk right past the sign.

I don’t want to even think about the times I walked through parking lots when Rob was a baby.  I would be carrying Rob, with a death grip on Casey and praying that Mandy would hold Casey’s other hand (Mandy is 18 months older than Rob – hardly more than a baby herself when I was trying to get us safely to the car).  I carried Rob longer than he needed, simply because he and Casey would both dart away and it was easier to carry him.  Thank God, we never had a major issue (just a minor one with Mandy when she was older!)

When Casey was 7 or 8, we were all outside playing.  Suddenly, I realized she wasn’t in the backyard anymore.  I thought I would throw up as I ran to the front of the house and the street.  No sign of her – I ran around the house again, calling her name and wondering who to call first to help me find her.  As I was making another circle, I heard her giggle and looked up to see her legs hanging off the porch roof.  She had climbed the wrought iron corner posts and was just sitting there.  I still don’t know how she managed to climb over the edge without falling.

I stood there looking up at her while she laughed and kicked and wondered if I could get her down without both of us falling.  I was heading in to call the fire department (my dad was a captain) and ask for help when I had an idea.  I asked Casey if she wanted a popsicle – and she flipped onto her belly, stuck her feet on the posts and came down.  I couldn’t breathe until her feet were safely on the porch.  “Red!” she said and went inside.

She also jumped off my dad’s boat more than once.  She walked out into water until she had to tip her head back to be able to breathe and keep going (one of us was always thisclose to her – and she always had a life jacket one!)  She grabbed at knives and jumped off the top of their swing set.  She was crazy on the trampoline.  She ran when she had the chance in stores or at school.

Rob was even more of a dare-devil than she was.  He jumped off the roof into a pile of shingles, did a somersault and took off running.  He jumped into pools with no thought of whether he could touch or not.  He climbed scaffolding (yep – I lost him on it once – thank God I heard him giggle as he watched us run around the house looking for him!)  He tried walking down our basement steps with a blanket on his head and fell – earned him a helicopter ride to the nearest children’s hospital when he wouldn’t wake up the next morning.

He jumped down the other steps and broke his collarbone.  He fell and cut his head open – stitches.  We no sooner had a hospital bill paid off than he did something else.

Neither of them understand the danger of strangers.  They have been told more times than I can count to never leave with someone they don’t know, but I worry that if the stranger offered them the right things, they might go.  They know to find a policeman or fireman if they need help and they both know their names and addresses, but would they really look for help?  I doubt it.  Having them disappear terrifies me.

Even though they have both learned to fear some things, I still worry when we go somewhere different.  I’m more relaxed, but still know that any second, one could dart away.  Rob has a healthy fear of deep water now (he jumped into a pool with a friend who is much taller than him and couldn’t touch – scared him beyond words)  Casey is afraid of heights (she insists on riding the Ferris wheel every year at the fair, but it scares her to death when she is at the top!)

I am so thankful they are both learning to be more careful.  I know that they will probably always be somewhat fearless compared to others, but at least they aren’t jumping off the roof anymore!  And I know how lucky I am that neither of them ever tried to get out of the house.  I know several families with more locks on their doors and windows than a vault and still need alarms.

What I really want is to watch them every second of the day, but I know that’s impossible and not healthy for any of us.  They are adults and need some space from me – and I need a break from them.  But still, I think about it – the world is such a scary place – especially when you don’t understand those dangers.

My plan for the future is simple – lots of hair coloring to hide the gray hairs that pop out every time they run across the street without looking or when Rob swings so high or when Casey wants to look at coloring books in a store by herself.  And lots of deep breaths to keep from panicking at their little “thrills.”

Be safe, everyone!