Tag: autism mom

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Merry Christmas from Autism, Apples and Koolaid

Merry Christmas from Casey, Rob and me!

I can’t believe that I’ve let it go so long without writing again. I have no excuses, really, beyond being tired and busy. And, sometimes, I just don’t know what to talk about that might interest anyone. The last several weeks, life has thrown some curves our way and it’s been hard to think about much beyond those curves.

It is interesting, though, how autism makes problems unique. I discovered early in November that my well had dried up and I needed to have a new well drilled. The cost was crazy, but even more worrisome was trying to get Casey and Rob to understand to be even more careful with water. Luckily, the company who was drilling our well understood my situation and brought a trailer with a water tank that I could have refilled every few days.

That was such a relief, but it was still hard to remind Rob his showers couldn’t be the long, hot ones that he and I like so much. He needed to jump in, wash, and get out. I was so proud of them both – even though they weren’t sure what it meant to be low on water, they followed along as I rushed them through baths and showers. Casey was happy that she still had a load of laundry waiting when she got home!

But there again, water and the cost of a new well and trying to get a tooth fixed for Rob (again!) and worries for family and friends just seemed to take over the last month. Some days, I felt like I was losing my mind – that if one more thing happened, I would just sink into a blob of goo all over the floor. Those minutes didn’t happen often, but it was exhausting when I did feel that stress. I know what I need to do to relieve stress and, mostly, those ideas worked. But, it also made me tired.

Casey always has a long list of Christmas “must-haves” and, early in the month, she was full-on reminding me every single day of what she still wanted to do. So for a few weeks, we were somewhere every night, either taking baths at grandma and grandpa’s house or visiting a Christmas light display or shopping. We managed to get everything she wanted, except for one, and I’m hoping to take them to those lights tonight or tomorrow. For some reason, she hasn’t mentioned it, though. Maybe she’s tired, too.

She’s happily munching on “Grinch” cookies now and reminding me that she’s going to get presents Tuesday. (When they were little, we started the tradition that the kids exchanged gifts on Christmas Eve and they will also get their gifts from me that day.) And presents Wednesday. And presents Thursday. The funny thing is, she doesn’t care about the cost of any present. She would be thrilled to open nothing but socks and color by number books.

Rob is the same way. He doesn’t care about the cost of gifts. He wants what he wants. Basically, stuff to rip up and Legos. He hasn’t mentioned presents and he won’t. He lets Casey plan everything and just follows along with whatever she says is next. He enjoys going to the light shows, but he’s not worried about getting to all of them. (That could be because he knows she’ll worry enough for both of them!)

We are ready to relax and have some fun. Our Christmas may not look at all like yours, but it works for us. Casey and Rob are excited and happy with our plans and that’s all that matters to me.

May each of you have a very blessed Christmas! We are so happy you are enjoying our adventures!

If you would like to read more adventures, check out our book, Autism, Apples & Kool Aid. I think it will make you laugh and remind you of what is really important in our crazy lives with autism.

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Autism – All in Good Time

Autism - All in Good Time

When you look at the picture of the birdhouse with this post, I’m sure you probably don’t think much about it. Maybe that someone likes pink and purple. But to me, it’s a reminder. A reminder that with autism, as most things in life, it’s all in good time. It’s a waiting game. And for someone who isn’t always that patient, I need that reminder.

Rob painted this birdhouse at his day program last week. Why do I think it’s reminder?

Because – I’ve had those birdhouses for him to paint for a few years and he always said “yes, please, no fanks” when I asked if he wanted to paint them. So, last week, I was cleaning out craft supplies and took a bunch of stuff to the day program for them to use. And he painted it a day or two later.

I couldn’t believe it when he brought it home. I asked him why he wouldn’t paint it with me, but he looked at me like I was crazy. I have a huge tub of paints. I offer him things to paint often as he does enjoy it. And he always said no.

Mandy laughed at me when I commented that I just wanted to know “Why?” Like we can ever know why. And it really doesn’t matter. He said it was fun to paint (and it matches the pumpkin he painted) and that’s all that really matters.

Yesterday, I saw the birdhouse again and it hit me that it is a good reminder to let things happen when they need to. Maybe Rob just felt like painting it the other day because they were painting pumpkins. Maybe he likes their shade of purple better than mine. Maybe he likes their paint brushes. Maybe the moon was in the right cycle and the timing was right. Who knows?

Autism is so much that way. We want to see progress. We want to see that our kids are learning and taking steps forward. And we want to see it NOW! No one wants to wait to see what their child learns next week. We want to know this minute. Autism doesn’t work that way.

For our families, so many things need to be lined up perfectly to see those small steps forward. Sensory issues can’t be causing stress. Anxiety needs to be controlled. The right teacher, the right way to explain things, a child ready to learn. This isn’t just with autism, either. Every child, every person, needs to do things in their own time to their own ability. It’s a lesson we all need to remember. Life is already too fast. Slow down.

Progress will come. Not as quickly as we want, but it will happen. You need to have patience and keep your faith. Keep reaching for the stars. Keep hoping and dreaming.

As for me, I’ll be looking at a little pink and purple birdhouse and reminding myself to slow down and enjoy the little things. Everything will happen in it’s own good time.

If you would like to read more about our adventures in autism, please check out our book – Autism, Apples and Kool-Aid on Amazon.

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Slow Down and Really Look

I needed this reminder. The last several weeks have been so crazy busy that I feel like I’m just going from one thing to another without really paying attention to what’s going on around me. Don’t get me wrong – we are having lots of fun together and have lots of adventures planned, but something happened yesterday to remind me to really look around.

Our autism support group is donating a Christmas tree to be auctioned off to benefit the Firefighter’s Toy Chest in our community. Yesterday, several families met so their kids could decorate an ornament however they wanted. It was a beautiful fall day and Casey and Rob were so excited to go to the playground for a while.

I, on the other hand, was not feeling great and really wanted to just stay home. I couldn’t disappoint them, though, and I knew we wouldn’t be gone long.

Rob and Casey had already decorated their ornaments, so they headed straight to the playground. He jumped on a swing, but after a little while, Casey came back. She sat on a bench and just watched the kids. She had the most beautiful, peaceful smile on her face and it was obvious she was enjoying yourself.

As we were cleaning up, another mom, Keisha, asked if Casey was always smiling. I laughed and said no – remembering the night before when Casey was not pleased that I wouldn’t write Christmas activities on her calendar, yet.

Keisha said that she and her husband had talked about Casey – that whenever they see her she has the most beautiful smile and always seems so happy. I stopped cleaning up and looked over at Casey – really looked at her – and saw how happy she was to be at the playground and outside. Her eyes were twinkling, her feet were bouncing and she was smiling bright enough to rival the sun.

It hit me then. I see her smile often, but sometimes, I am so busy trying to think ahead of them that I don’t really notice it. I don’t stop and appreciate how happy she gets over the smallest things. She doesn’t need much to make her happy – any trip, anywhere is enough to bring a smile to her face and twinkles in her eyes. Going to Grandma and Grandpa’s causes giggles all the way to their house.

Rob’s smiles are just as magical. He doesn’t show his excitement as much as she does, though. He tends to wait and make sure that wherever we are going is worth the trip. He is such a homebody. He enjoys activities, but only with people he feels safe with and preferably no crowds.

I wish we could all be more like them. To be happy with small things. I tend to be – a pretty flower or a text from a friend always makes me happy. But I know I need to slow down more and really look around. I need to notice the miracles around me every day, like her smile and his giggles.

Life with autism isn’t easy. It’s hard to slow down, sometimes, but I’m urging you to do just that. Sit on your porch and look at the fall leaves. Listen to some music and just sit. If we don’t slow down, we’ll miss the smiles that everyone else sees!

If you want to read more about our lives with autism, check out our new book! I hope it makes you laugh and gives you hope! Here’s the link Autism, Apples & Kool-Aid.

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Autism and Dental Visits

Autism and Dental Visits

Last Monday, Rob pointed to his cheek and said, “Hurts!” I was worried because he has such a high tolerance for pain that if he says something hurts, a typical person probably would have been crying about it days before. But, I couldn’t get him to tell me what hurts – whether it was inside his mouth or his cheek. He ate supper and didn’t mention it again that evening.

Tuesday morning, he got up and again said, “Hurts” pointing inside his mouth this time. I asked if it was his cheek or throat or a tooth, but he just kept repeating “Hurts.” He didn’t have a fever and was eating, so I was worried, but not panicked, yet. I did call his neurologist to get advice on where to take him to the dentist, if it turned out to be a tooth. I looked in his mouth, but couldn’t see anything obviously wrong. Because his allergies had been bothering him, I almost thought maybe it was sinus pressure. (My teeth ache at times from that).

When he got home that day, he was hurting. Obviously hurting and he could finally tell me it was a tooth and he pointed to it. I felt terrible for not calling the dentist that day and did what I could for him that evening. He was still eating without issue, but he told me “hurts” repeatedly through the evening and was asleep early. I cried. I just couldn’t help him and I felt so guilty for not making more calls that day. (But, again – I wasn’t sure what the problem was – he didn’t tell me tooth until late in the day.)

Wednesday, he wanted to go to day hab with Casey, even though I wanted him to stay home so I could keep an eye on him. As soon as dentist’s offices opened, I started making calls and it wasn’t long before I was ready to cry again. I couldn’t find anyone to even look at him – that would even try to help us. I was told they weren’t trained for these types of people – that they didn’t think they could help him – that I needed to find someone who “knew” autism. I finally found a place that was two hours from home that would happily look at him – but they wouldn’t take his insurance. I told her I would happily self pay just to get him some relief, but she told me they couldn’t do that.

After many, many calls, I finally found a place only 45 minutes from home that said they would be happy to see him and made an appointment for early the next morning. I had a good cry when I got off the phone – finally, someone who cared enough to at least try! I had no doubt that Rob would be difficult, but we needed help. I wanted to call those other people back and say, “What about helping people? isn’t this why you became a dentist??” but I didn’t.

I worried all evening about how Rob would react to a new place, a new doctor and new experience. He was in so much pain, he didn’t even make a fuss when Casey left without him. When we got to the office, I told him I would get him construction paper as soon as we were done if he would let the dentist see his tooth.

Rob walked in so calmly. When the tech called his name, he jumped right up and followed her. When we got to the cubicle, he sat right down in the chair, looked at the tech, said “Hurts” and opened his mouth to point at the tooth. I was in shock, but so happy! She asked him if she could take an x-ray of his mouth and again, he got right up and followed her. Once he understand what he had to do (bite down and hold still) he was perfect. The x-ray showed a broken tooth. Our choices were a root canal or pull it and I told her it just needed to come out.

He went back to the cubicle and sat down. When the dentist came in, he opened his mouth and showed him the tooth. The dentist talked to Rob, not me (that was so awesome of him!), and Rob let him put a temporary filling in with no issue. (The only problem came when some of the filling stuff was on his tongue and the dentist told him to stick out his tongue and he looked at me to see if that was okay. 🙂 ) They gave him antibiotics and he goes back in two weeks to see if he will let them pull it. If he won’t let them, an appointment with a specialist will be made and that tooth and his wisdom teeth will all come out under sedation. The office we went to will use nitrous gas next time and see if that will relax him enough to pull it.

When we left, I was in tears – again. I kept telling him how proud I was – that he did so awesome. He looked at me like I was crazy (again) and reminded me I promised construction paper. We found a store and he chose three big packs, plus two new books. I don’t care if I over did it. I am so proud at how he handled it all! I have hopes that he will let the dentist do what needs done the next time, too, but pulling a tooth is much scarier that having x-rays, so we’ll see.

This was a huge reminder that we never know what our kids are capable of until we let them try! Never in a million years would I have dreamed he would be so cooperative (I have many terrible memories of taking him to the dentist as a child – I’m sure everyone in the building heard his screams). Let your kids try! The worst that can happen is you will have to leave and try again another time. Who cares if they cry? or scream? Don’t worry about what other people think.

If I had one wish from all of this, it would be to all of the doctor’s and dentist’s and other medical people – please, please… don’t ignore us. We need help and every time one of you turns us away, it’s like another knife to our heart. We know our kids need extra help. We know it may be a terrible experience for you – but we need help as much as everyone else. Welcome us. Tell us you will try. Even if we have to go somewhere else, at least we know you care enough about our child to try and help. That little effort means so much. Don’t turn us away before you try.

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Self-Care and an Autism Parent

Self-Care and an Autism Parent

Repeat after me… “I have to take care of me so I can take care of my child.” How many times have I said that to you? How many times have I admitted that I’m not very good at it? My head knows, but sometimes, I still feel guilt when I just sit.

I realized last night I was running on empty when I was getting anxious because I hadn’t finished a project. The crazy thing is – this project is a hobby! Something I enjoy doing. I was getting anxious because I hadn’t had time to finish scrapbooking several pictures.

Somehow, I let a hobby I enjoy become something that had to be done. I tend to do this when I haven’t taken the time to do something for me. Usually, walking and working out help keep the anxiety away but with the foot injury, it’s been months since I’ve been able to do either.

Another reason I noticed that I hadn’t done much for myself was a blog I read by a young man with autism. If you haven’t read Dustin’s Dynasty, you are missing out! His perspective as an adult with autism is helping me learn how Casey and Rob might feel about different things. He is learning how important it is for him to take care of himself and said he struggled with doing nothing.

Wow – that hit me right between the eyes. I am rarely doing nothing. I have my computer on my lap or I’m crocheting or I’m working on another project or I’m reading. I don’t sit and watch TV without doing something else, too. This works for me – until it doesn’t.

When I realized my hobbies were causing me stress, I knew I had to change things. Last night, I sat on my patio and watched the birds. I listened to the wind chimes. I daydreamed about pool days. Once or twice, guilt tried to sneak in – I should be sweeping the patio or powerwashing the house. I shoved those thoughts away and went back to watching the birds.

I’ve heard so many other parents say they have given up hobbies – they spend all of their time taking care of their child, their home and working. They can’t sleep at night, they are gaining weight, they have forgotten how to watch the clouds. I completely understand this, but… It’s not a good life for you or your child.

We already worry about who will care for our kids when we are gone. Taking care of yourself now will help you avoid preventable health issues – heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes – that can all be prevented or controlled by you taking care of yourself.

A break from autism is wonderful and needed at times. But, there are many ways you can care for yourself with your child. Go for walks (put your child in a wagon or stroller). Play on a playground. Share your favorite hobbies – let your child paint, take pictures, play an instrument. Craft with your child.

Practice healthy recipes together. Go on a picnic. Go bowling. Play miniature golf. The ideas are endless. And yes, you may have to adapt your outings to fit your child’s needs. But, right now, your needs are more important. You have got to take care of you!

I’ll be the first to admit – I’m struggling with guilt right now. The floor needs swept. A few windows need cleaned. I need to meal plan. I have two stories the need written for the paper. But – I’m going to watch a favorite movie and maybe take a nap.

There are days when I have no energy or desire to do anything. I need to remember that it’s ok to do nothing. To sit and recharge myself without guilt. No energy is my body’s way of reminding me I’ve pulled myself too thin again and I need to chill out and do nothing.

Push away the guilt. Let yourself recharge before you crash. If you crash, so will your child. Take care of yourself for them if you can’t relax for yourself. I challenge you – every day for the next week, do one thing for yourself. It doesn’t have to be a big thing – just something for you. Watch TV. Read a book. Watch the clouds. Go for a walk. Savor a milkshake. Anything – just for you!

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Autism and Tips from First Responders (part 1)

Autism and Tips from First Responders (part 1)

Last week, our autism support group (ASK Autism) was excited to have four first responders from our county join us to share their tips for helping them keep our family members with autism safe in emergencies. We got so many wonderful ideas that I decided to split it into three parts and will share the information with you over the next few weeks.

Autism can be particularly challenging when it comes to preparing for emergencies. By it’s very nature, autism is unpredictable at times and we all know that just because our child does something one way, one time, it doesn’t mean they will ever do it that way again. But – we can prepare ourselves and as many people around us as we can.

The first one to speak was a deputy sheriff. The sheriff’s department handles the entire county where we live. If you have a police department, make sure you talk to them, too.

Deputy Bryant’s biggest tip was to do anything we can to make it obvious there is a person with a disability in the vehicle in case of an accident and we aren’t able to speak. Stickers on the windows are good, but in the dark and in an emergency, they might not be noticed. He advised purchasing or making seat belt covers that say “person with autism” or whatever the disability may be. These can be purchased online and aren’t too expensive.

The covers are simple – just some type of material that wraps around the seat belt and is held by Vel-cro, so you can easily switch to other vehicles if you need. Mandy and I are planning to purchase plain ones and use a Cricut to add the information we feel is most important to the cover. I plan to write on the underside information like their names, an emergency number and their birthdays. The deputy shared that the covers, even if the person was out of the vehicle, would be something that would be noticed and would help the first responders to understand how to help your loved one faster.

Another tip the deputy shared was that our county collects information from families and that when 911 is dialed from that residence the information will pop up to the dispatcher. The forms are simple and we can give us much information as we want. Items like where they sleep, if they will come to their name being called, anything that may help first responders that are called to our home in an emergency. Even if you think what you want to share is common sense, share it anyway. You never know what might save your child’s life.

I don’t believe this is something that is available everywhere, but maybe your phone call to your local department will get the ball rolling for them to put an information system in place. In either case, you won’t know until you call. My forms are almost ready to email back – I’m just waiting to see if I think of anything else that might be important.

Another idea he had was to flag your license plates. Again, this is available in Ohio – you would have to check with your area. It’s another simple form, but this one has to be signed by a doctor. It lists the person’s name and attaches their government issued ID, if they have one. You can list up to nine license plates of vehicles your child may be riding in and if your plates are run by a deputy, it will show that there is a person with a communication disability in the vehicle. It won’t share more than that, but at least it is a warning that there could be a communication issue and the deputy can be aware that behaviors may occur because of that.

The deputy also recommended that you have a recent picture of your child on your phone at all times. And to know their weight and height. If your child is a runner and disappears on you out in public, you have an instant picture to show anyone who might be helping you look. When cell phones became so wide-spread, I took a picture of Casey and Rob as we were leaving to go anywhere. That way, I had what they were wearing in the picture, too. Thankfully, I’ve never had to use my pictures, but you never know!

Share any sensory issues your child may have, such as to the flashing lights or sirens. First responders won’t know to keep a close eye on your child if they don’t know loud noises will cause them to panic and run. Our department also has Project Lifesaver available for our residents. It is a tracking device your child can wear and if they do get out of your home or away from you, they can be tracked quickly.

Something I found very interesting as all of these men talked to us was they kept saying that, though they had been trained in working with special needs, they were surprised at our questions and had to really think about what truly coming to an emergency with a person with autism might be like. My best advice to you – call your police/sheriff’s office, the fire department, the emergency squad. Get as much information to them as you can about your home, your child and their needs. They can’t be prepared to help if they don’t know the situation. Call before you need them!

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Autism and the Here and Now

Autism and the Here and Now

One of the worst things an autism parent can do is focus too much on the future. By that, I mean that you get yourself too scared of the “what ifs” to really see the small steps your child is making every day.

Life is too overwhelming if you focus too much on what your child needs – there is so much! Obviously, you are always aware of those needs and they are never far from your mind, but you can’t live your life that way.

You need to stay present to help your child. For example, if your child is having a meltdown, don’t start thinking of a future full of screams and kicking. Take slow deep breaths and only focus on the next minute. Get through that one and think of the next. If you start thinking this will be your life forever, you will have a meltdown, too.

When we are having a bad day, I forget about everything. All I think about is getting us through that day. Tomorrow will take care of itself. You can’t help your child through a bad time if you are thinking of tomorrow or next week or next month.

After your child calms down is soon enough to think about what needs done to prevent it from happening again. Do you need to schedule a doctor visit? Adjust medications? Talk to the teacher? One small step at a time.

Yes – you want to dream and have hopes for your child – always! But thinking too far in the future during a bad time will only make you think you are dreaming too high. Some days, your focus simply needs to be to take that next deep breath.

It’s the same with the endless paperwork. If you feel overwhelmed by it, you might not even start. So tell yourself you will only do one page and stop. When you break it all down into very small steps, you get it done without losing your mind. (By the way… When you fill out forms, make a copy. It’s do much easier the next time when you have all the information right there!)

Yes, plan for the future, but keep your plans fluid. Every day, your child will change and plans may need to reflect that. Just don’t let the future turn into a black hole. When you are having a rough time, stop thinking too far.

Remind yourself all you have to do is breathe. The next minute will take care of itself.

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Autism and Teaching Life Skills

Autism and Teaching Life Skills

When you have a child with autism, life skills need to be high on the list for what needs to be taught. I’m not saying that typical school subjects aren’t important, but life skills will help your child gain a little independence – even if they always live with you.

I’ll admit – while Casey and Rob do have chores to take care of, I haven’t always pushed them to do more. When I’m tired, I just want things done – not take the time to show them how to do something. I try to remember, tho.

Over the last few days, I’ve been reminded how much Rob loves to help me. And that Casey will usually say “no” as she’s getting up to do whatever I asked. After several months of dealing with a foot injury, I ended up in a hard cast and am supposed to stay off my foot as much as possible.

Luckily, I’m able to put weight on it for a few steps here and there, so I’m not completely helpless and I have a knee scooter to get around the house with. But, doing some things are a little tricky.

So I’ve asked Casey and Rob to help. He filled Blue’s water dish. She got the crock pot for me. He poured drinks for lunch. She folded laundry. They both packed their own lunches yesterday.

Are these huge things? Maybe not, but it shows again how important it is for our kids to understand they are part of the family and need to help when they can. Casey laughed about getting the crock pot and he was so proud he carried a bowl of water without spilling it. So, yes – these things are huge!

When there are so many other things your child with autism needs to learn, I understand that life skills are just a bother. But – imagine how much easier their life will be if they can brush their own teeth – wash their hair – choose their outfits. (I’ll be the first to say Casey sometimes chooses … How do I say this… Loud outfits, but she’s happy and excited, so who cares??)

Having autism is not an excuse to do nothing for yourself. Let your kids learn that – autism is not a free pass. Having said that, obviously, there are better times than others to work on life skills. If your child’s anxiety is high, you’ll make it worse forcing them to perfectly brush their teeth. But, teach them!

People with autism are capable of so many things, but they have to be given the chance to try. Will they succeed the first time? Probably not… But do you? How many things did you have to try over and over before you got it? Why should your child be any different? Again – autism is not an excuse!

Rob likes to help with cooking and to clean mirrors/windows. Are they always streak-free? Nope, but they aren’t always perfect when I do them, either. He likes to flip pancakes. Sometimes they land where he doesn’t want them to. So we try again.

Casey always folds her clothes and has to be reminded to fold others, but she will. She will help with cooking as long as it’s not near the stove – she is very worried about getting burned.

I’m sure in the next few months, they will continue to surprise me with what they can do. And what they are proud to do to help me. Let your children help you before you need the help. Give them the chance to be proud of what they can do. It’s the best of both worlds!

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Autism and the Art of Letting Go

Autism and the Art of Letting Go

When you have a child with autism, fear is never far from your mind. Fear for their safety. Fear they will need something and not be able to communicate that need. Fear they will be teased. Fear they will be lonely. The list goes on and on. But, despite the fears, you have to let them go. You have to let them try new things, go new places, meet new people. Will it always be a good experience? Probably not… but you have to let go.

One of the pages I follow just had a post from a mom who is upset that her son’s teacher wants to transition him to another class. She is actually pretty mad about it. She thinks her son is not ready and is not telling everyone how much he is regressing, despite glowing reports from his therapists and aide. She asked for help in forcing the school to do what she wants.

The thing is, I completely understand her fear. It’s terrifying to let your child be near new people that you don’t know. It’s scary to change a routine that he/she depends on. And really, as autism parents, we learn to live in that routine and we don’t want to change it, either. It’s what we know. But, your child deserves the chance to try. By holding your child in the same place, it may be easier on you, but it also keeps your child from growing. It’s not fair to your child.

I’m sure this mom sees behaviors at home that the school doesn’t see. I’m also sure that her son shows more skills at school than he does at home. Every child does. I’m constantly hearing about things that Casey and Rob will do for others, but when I ask, they look at me like I’m speaking in German. Let’s face it – kids always act worse for parents because they know no matter what, we’ll love them forever. When I was teaching, so many parents would say they had no idea their child could do something because they refused to do it at home. It happens.

But, if your child’s teacher and therapists are seeing amazing progress, it’s time to let go a little. No good teacher will move a child before he/she is ready. Ask for a meeting with the teacher and therapists and listen to their plan. You may not like it, but you can ask questions and share your concerns. Go meet the new teacher. If it’s a new school, tour the entire school and take your child to visit.

The change in routine may not be easy and you need to understand there may be a few rough weeks or months, but ultimately, pushing your child to stretch and learn is what you need to do. You know how you feel when you try something new and really like it? Your child deserves the chance to find what they like, too. They need pushed to keep learning and growing.

Try not to let your child see your fears. Make the change sound like fun and, if you have to, pretend you are excited about it. Do what you need to do to alleviate your anxiety. If the teacher is a good one, he/she will completely understand your anxiety and will do everything they can to help you. Visit the class and see the children who will become your child’s friends. See how the teacher runs the class – you’ll be able to offer her/him ideas on how your child will fit in the best. You can share your child’s strengths and your fears.

With autism, change is rarely easy. Life is unpredictable and it won’t hurt your child to learn that. The good thing with letting go is that you can prepare your child (and yourself!) for changes and grow together. It’s scary. But letting your child try is the best thing you can do for him/her. Remember – always reach for the stars. You won’t get there if you keep your child in one spot forever.

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Autism, Big Steps, Little Steps and a Happy New Year

Autism, Big Steps, Little Steps and Happy New Year

Happy New Year! I realize I’m about a week late wishing that for all of you, but the last several weeks, have been busy and fun and full of family time. While I love sharing our lives with you, sometimes, it just doesn’t seem to happen.

We had so many huge steps forward for both Casey and Rob over the last month. December is a happy month, but for Casey, it also tends to be very stressful as she has a list in her head of what needs to happen for it to be a perfect Christmas and until those things are checked off, she is very serious. This year, though! It was truly amazing! She still had things she wanted to do, but she wasn’t worried about getting everything done. She laughed and enjoyed her way through the month!

She seemed to finally realize that I would make sure everything (well, most everything! 🙂 ) she wanted to do would happen. She didn’t worry about going to light shows. She didn’t repeatedly ask about opening presents – or going to grandma’s for lunch – or Santa coming. Maybe, in some strange way, the pandemic has helped relax her need to control everything. She has finally learned (by way of COVID) that she simply can’t control everything.

We even changed our usual routine of going to my parent’s house for supper on Christmas Day. They came to our house instead and we had supper at their house the day after with my brother and his family. And when she was opening her presents, she was smiling! She giggled at the new Big Bird, she studied the new color by number books, she carefully pulled tags off of new clothes. Usually, she flies through her presents – she has a need to see what she has gotten. This year, she took her time. The pictures of her smiling as she looked at her new things mean so much to me. I truly don’t know when she last smiled in a picture on Christmas morning.

This was also the first year that Rob wrote a letter to Santa! And, on Christmas Eve, he was the one who almost caught Santa. He was asleep and then stumbled from his room. He asked me for Santa and I told him he needed to be asleep. He flopped back on his bed, sound asleep again. I have had my doubts that Rob really believes in Santa, but after that, maybe he does. He was excited to open presents, too, and was thrilled to get an entire set of the power rangers he asked for, plus his signs and Legos. And, plenty of stuff to rip/cut up.

They both went to a movie, again. Rob ate snickerdoodles! They both played Charades with us. Rob is learning (some days with a lot of prompting!) to use a quieter voice when he is sensory seeking. Casey is carefully painting her crafts and not just throwing paint on to say it’s done. Rob was in a store with Mandy and told her “It’s time to eat!” A complete, non-prompted sentence! He is singing songs and chose to wear a brand new shirt! They are both handling changes in their schedules with no reaction.


Last year was a tough year for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, in the midst of sadness, it’s harder to see the little steps forward that our kids make. It’s easier to get swept up in all the negativity and the list of what they aren’t able to do, yet. Notice – I said “yet.” Not today doesn’t mean not ever. Always, always dream for your kids and help them reach for the stars. It’s hard and it’s exhausting, but you will never regret it.

Our wish for all of you is a year full of big and little steps. Celebrate them all! Share them with the world. Your steps forward might be just the encouragement another person needs to keep fighting for their dreams! Have a happy and safe 2022!