I’ve been asked so many times “How did you get Casey and Rob to talk? What’s the best way to teach communication skills?” And I have an answer – I have no idea. I don’t know. We got lucky. The stars were aligned. I don’t mean to be flippant about my answer, but I just don’t know. I wish I did. I would be rich!
But seriously, every single communication device has good points and bad. And, every person with autism is different. What worked with Casey, Rob had no interest in. I’m still trying to figure it out.
Casey could sing entire songs as a toddler, but she had no interest in using her words to ask for what she wanted. Even into preschool, after a year of speech therapy, she had few words that she used consistently. Her teachers used PECS (picture exchange communication system) with her and she began to understand that she could ask for what she wanted.
They printed the PECS cards of everything that could think of that she might want and put velcro on the back of each card. Using a long strip of cardboard with opposite velcro, they constructed sentences for her to repeat. She could point to each picture as she said the words, such as “May I have cookie, please?” I also started using American Sign Language with her. I found out that she could say the word easier if she could sign it, too.
When she was 5, we had Auditory Integration Therapy done with her. We knew her ears weren’t hearing normally and had heard good results with this therapy. My mom and I (and Casey, 2 year old Mandy and baby Robbie!) spent two weeks in a hotel about three hours from home. To add to the “fun” we all had pink eye. My dad and their dad joined us over the weekend. My best memory of that trip is that 4 days after Casey started the therapy, she said “doughnut” at breakfast! I hadn’t asked her what she wanted – she volunteered she wanted a doughnut. And I cried. We all cried. (she did get a doughnut!)
The therapy was done in June and we continued to hear a new words throughout the summer. She still didn’t use whole sentences, except the ones we had scripted for her. And if she was having a meltdown, communication was non-existent. She simply couldn’t get the words out when she was upset. Meltdowns were common when she started school. She had them at school often, but at first, we didn’t see them at home (probably because she didn’t have demands on her here)
Now, Casey is more likely to have a “conversation” with you – about what she wants to talk about, of course. She won’t sit and visit with people, as she sees no reason to do that. If she wants something, she is able to tell me what she wants. She can share memories and answer most questions. I try to always remember to say “Tell me what you want” instead of “what do you want?” (I highly suggest you try that with your child – statements are much easier to process than questions).
Rob had more words than Casey as a toddler, but he was also less likely to use them. Mandy spoke for him all of the time. When he wanted something, he pointed to it and Mandy told me. I asked her so many times to let Rob talk, but she was so earnest in wanting to help him, she couldn’t understand why she shouldn’t. When she started preschool (she went to the preschool our school district offered – typical and special needs children. It was where Casey had gone and she loved the teachers), I was amazed at how many words Rob could say.
He didn’t see any reason to talk beyond what he needed, but he had a huge vocabulary compared to Casey at that age. (She understood everything – she just didn’t acknowledge the words) He loved being read to and pointing out objects in books. He was still so far behind other children his age, but at least I knew the words were there. With Casey, I was never sure.
I used ASL with him more than I did with Casey. It’s funny, because once in a while, she still signs please and thank you as she says them. Rob liked to rip up the PECS cards, so ASL was the better choice for him. I still use it with him, especially when he is getting anxious. We use later, stop, listen, now, wait and look a lot. He understands a long list of signs and used to use them often. Now, he tends to just say what he needs, but once in a while, he does sign as he says his words. If your child has any sensory issues with their ears, trying ASL may be a good choice for you.
I also suggest that when you talk to your child, make sure you give them time to process what you said and form an answer. Rob was in elementary school when we discovered that if he was asked a question and given 30 seconds to answer, he usually would. I was thrilled with this and still give him plenty of time when I ask him something. (By the way – 30 seconds is an eternity when you are trying NOT to say anything and waiting for a response! Keep waiting, anyway!)
Some people are completely against using ASL because they think it means they are giving up on their child speaking. This can’t be farther from the truth! You are simply giving your child another way to communicate as they learn to use their words. And, the reality is, some people with autism will never have verbal skills, but they use other ways to communicate and the results are amazing. Be happy with whatever way your child chooses to communicate!
Casey and Rob both have iPads with a communication app on them. They love Proloquo2Go. They both understand how to use the app (it’s easy – you can even add actual photos of items your child might want) but they tend to say what they want after playing with the app. They both like to use the app to make sentences that are funny to them. Rob especially likes to type sentences such as “The dog is purple” and just laugh and laugh.
There are so many techniques for helping your child communicate. You know your child best and what might interest them. They may like the picture exchange actions or a communication device might catch their attention. You will have to try many techniques and constantly work with your child to improve their communications skills. Notice – I didn’t say “verbal skills.” I said communication – in whatever form that takes!
Think of the people with autism who never speak, but can type their thoughts. Or the ones who sing. Or who can sign. Never give up, but adjust your dreams. You may never “hear” your child say “I love you” but you may see in it signs, in words or, most definitely, in their eyes.
I wish I had the perfect answer for each of you. I wish I could promise you that your child will be communicating with you soon. What I can tell you is that you will learn how to communicate with your child. It may not be long talks around the supper table, but you will each learn the best way to communicate. It may be an odd assortment of techniques that work for your family. It won’t matter how you communicate – it just matters that you do and that you accept however your child chooses.